How To Convince Someone (anyone) That You ARE Amazing?

You Shit money and party like a rock star...while on your own private Jet or Boat.
Your car is bullet proof and you get driven around by Morgan Freeman.
You Always answer correctly while watching Jeopardy, The Weakest Link, Who Wants to be a Millionaire, Price is Right and Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader.
Demonstrate how you Know how to Cure any and all known (as well as unidentified) illnesses/ailments...whether its a person or a pet.
Rub elbows with Oprah and Madonna?
You can recite ANY (and all) Shakespeare...and you know exactly what it means.
Tell them where Bernie Madoff hid the money?
Accurately predict the weather...every single day!
You let Mexico have Dos Equis.
A newly discovered FULL dinosaur fossil has been named after you.
No matter what you cook...it tastes amazing!
You have read every book...twice.
The networks ask for your opinion when planning their line ups.
Your jokes come with spin offs and sequels.
Chuck Norris is your little brother...and you still smack him around.
Your Dog's picture is on a Wine Label...written all in French of course.
You receive police escorts...wherever and whenever you travel.
There is First Class, Business Class, The Cock Pit...and then your seat.
Ball players want your signature.
You never have to tell...just show.
Your dinner arrangements are all booked up...all the way up to the end of the next New Mayan Calendar prophecy.
NASA asks YOU for permission...always.
You have never sneezed.
You shot JR...because he had it coming.