Self -Love...?
A biological adapted trait...?
The idea that a person associates
Positively + with + them + selves...
Therefore,
Tend to Prefer....
A focus, A connection
....
Gravitating towards similarities in
Places, People and Situations
That Reflect some image of
Themselves...!
*Vanity*
comfort from identifying A
Knowning, a semblance, some parallelism...
An Alikeness to The Self!!!
Judgements and Behaviors,
Influenced by potent and pervasive unconscious motives!?
Hhhhmmmm,
An Enhanced attraction to anything Associated with The Self...!
See a problem, with this instinctual trait?
Will people ever evolve beyond this?
I bet some already have...
But the problem is...Too Many Haven't.
On A more immediate level.
Race.
Religion.
Politics.
Culture.
even which Sporting Teams one roots for.
Interestingly enough, even the type of person we are attracted too...?
Is passionate love for another, more so a love of ourselves?
Maybe,
A basic (instinctual) desire to feel good/better about ourselves?
I have even noticed, a certain swagger with people and their birth dates. An immediate bond between two people that share the same date...I continually hear debates over who has the "best" astrological sign...!
Ho-Hum, Pho-Phum...Phi...Who Really should Care?
In this world, I am witness to too many people obsessing over Themselves that their decisions are driven at a Level below their Conscious Awareness.
In this lifetime, very little will get accomplished if people retain this counterproductive initiative trait. This mentality will keep the draw the same. Keep all the same likes and dislikes...
It's time to Expand the Human Consciousness...
Live beyond the known immediate...
Travel emotionally/spiritually, where you have never gone before...
Who knows, you may enjoy it.
Egotism...the downfall to humanity...the vainest species on the planet.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Random Jumble, Pure Mumble
I asked my obnoxious, yet friendly Co-Worker Chris...
"If you could design humanity, what would your blueprint be like?"
His answer,
"I would make myself God!"
My thought, "Yup, you're still a Dick".
That's the problem with society...it's too ego driven. Everyone wants to be that one person who has the final word...and that final word is always the best word...
Being a master Observer and Absorber, my Eye catches the most minute detail...No matter how subtle, or nonchalant it may be. My attention never wavers from my focus...almost to a fault.
Therefore, I am well aware...that the best rarely comes from only just one...
The best comes from everybody...and it can/will vary from day to day...
Therefore, dare I say...that everyone amounts a small component of the whole...? The whole being a community...? One community supports another?
I can see the visual now...human to human link....from community to community....
Spanning the Globe!
Why create an Ego...and disrupt that flow.
True, order is needed...
But,
If allowed to evolve to a higher conscious...
Why still enslave the spirit...?
And ground it to the material?
Why beat down the soul...and render it helpless, without function...without its tangible connection to steel and gold? When in fact it is meant to sprout like light and engulf the universe...it will Find it's destinations...and make them glow bright.
People SHOULD learn to accept one another,
Regardless of
Sexual orientation, gender, race, culture, politics or religion...
Because each person is a small of this whole puzzle we call life...
And we all better start living with decency and respect!
"If you could design humanity, what would your blueprint be like?"
His answer,
"I would make myself God!"
My thought, "Yup, you're still a Dick".
That's the problem with society...it's too ego driven. Everyone wants to be that one person who has the final word...and that final word is always the best word...
Being a master Observer and Absorber, my Eye catches the most minute detail...No matter how subtle, or nonchalant it may be. My attention never wavers from my focus...almost to a fault.
Therefore, I am well aware...that the best rarely comes from only just one...
The best comes from everybody...and it can/will vary from day to day...
Therefore, dare I say...that everyone amounts a small component of the whole...? The whole being a community...? One community supports another?
I can see the visual now...human to human link....from community to community....
Spanning the Globe!
Why create an Ego...and disrupt that flow.
True, order is needed...
But,
If allowed to evolve to a higher conscious...
Why still enslave the spirit...?
And ground it to the material?
Why beat down the soul...and render it helpless, without function...without its tangible connection to steel and gold? When in fact it is meant to sprout like light and engulf the universe...it will Find it's destinations...and make them glow bright.
People SHOULD learn to accept one another,
Regardless of
Sexual orientation, gender, race, culture, politics or religion...
Because each person is a small of this whole puzzle we call life...
And we all better start living with decency and respect!
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Chocolate Kiss
Delicious like your words...sensuous like your thoughts.
Seduce my mind, and you've gained my trust, my loyalty and my heart...
Seduce my mind, and you've gained my trust, my loyalty and my heart...
Monday, September 24, 2012
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Which of the Seven are You?
I am far from perfect...
Flawed to my very Fiber.
I refuse to listen to others...its only because I am convinced that they don't know it all...therfore why should I listen to them...?
I have yet to find someone, who is not a violator of one of the Seven...
My Sin is...
Lust,
Pride,
Gluttony,
Sloth,
Wrath,
Envy and
Greed....?
I lust after nothing (trust me I dont, even if I pretend that I might).
My ego is in check, therefore my Pride isnt terribly inflated.
Gluttony and Sloth, not even close.
Wrath...almost a maybe, but not yet there (I am not revenge minded, considering that I am progressive in my growth...not stuck on repeat, I know how to delete what NEEDS deleting).
Envy, no one has anything that makes me think resentful in any way...I have everything I need (My Health and my family's unconditional love...all else is measurable and tangible).
Greed is the biggest laughable possible accusation that could be placed upon me...I share everything I have with anyone that asks...
That is my story...
Why?
I dont believe in the material. Everything in life will come to pass...including me. Life is transient, life is short, life is meant to be lived...not necessarily a race to accumilate "things" that will either rot with time OR will be passed on once I am gone.
Why should I fixate on the physical...when the metaphysical has such a higher Impact on us all...?
Flawed to my very Fiber.
I refuse to listen to others...its only because I am convinced that they don't know it all...therfore why should I listen to them...?
I have yet to find someone, who is not a violator of one of the Seven...
My Sin is...
Lust,
Pride,
Gluttony,
Sloth,
Wrath,
Envy and
Greed....?
I lust after nothing (trust me I dont, even if I pretend that I might).
My ego is in check, therefore my Pride isnt terribly inflated.
Gluttony and Sloth, not even close.
Wrath...almost a maybe, but not yet there (I am not revenge minded, considering that I am progressive in my growth...not stuck on repeat, I know how to delete what NEEDS deleting).
Envy, no one has anything that makes me think resentful in any way...I have everything I need (My Health and my family's unconditional love...all else is measurable and tangible).
Greed is the biggest laughable possible accusation that could be placed upon me...I share everything I have with anyone that asks...
That is my story...
Why?
I dont believe in the material. Everything in life will come to pass...including me. Life is transient, life is short, life is meant to be lived...not necessarily a race to accumilate "things" that will either rot with time OR will be passed on once I am gone.
Why should I fixate on the physical...when the metaphysical has such a higher Impact on us all...?
Friday, September 21, 2012
How I Wish...That I Knew How
I wish I could...
Even though I can't...I can still Wish!
I wish I could make humans less vain, self-center/self-absorbed, ignorant, arrogant, greedy, selfish, narcissistic, JEALOUS, hateful, sadistic, violent, manipulative, conniving, pretentious, condescending and controlling...fearful.
I would make them more at peace with themselves and ALL their neighbors. I would make them understanding, patient and accepting. Progressive....Expansive...Creative. Would it be great if people were more loving...Unconditionally.
Even though I can't...I can still Wish!
I wish I could make humans less vain, self-center/self-absorbed, ignorant, arrogant, greedy, selfish, narcissistic, JEALOUS, hateful, sadistic, violent, manipulative, conniving, pretentious, condescending and controlling...fearful.
I would make them more at peace with themselves and ALL their neighbors. I would make them understanding, patient and accepting. Progressive....Expansive...Creative. Would it be great if people were more loving...Unconditionally.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
What is Love?
Love is a blanket statement.
You love a food or a sports team.
You love a shirt or pair of shoes.
Love a movie or some art.
Political and religious views.
Love my job.
Love my family.
Love for a spouse and child.
All are loves, yet they all signify something different.
You love something that you can relate with. Something symbolic of you. Something you are willing to make a part of you....an extension of you.
True love is unbreakable and indispensable.
Passionate.
Accepting.
Forgiving.
and Ever growing!
That's the thing about love...everyone lives something different. Sunshine or Rain. Happiness or Heartache...maybe even pain...
You love a food or a sports team.
You love a shirt or pair of shoes.
Love a movie or some art.
Political and religious views.
Love my job.
Love my family.
Love for a spouse and child.
All are loves, yet they all signify something different.
You love something that you can relate with. Something symbolic of you. Something you are willing to make a part of you....an extension of you.
True love is unbreakable and indispensable.
Passionate.
Accepting.
Forgiving.
and Ever growing!
That's the thing about love...everyone lives something different. Sunshine or Rain. Happiness or Heartache...maybe even pain...
Am I Beautiful?
True beauty grows from within...and expands outward.
Some of the ugliest people I have ever met, had flawless "shells"
Yet held hollow souls...
So very unattractive.
Ask yourself,
Is your heart pure?
Your soul beautiful?
If so, then you my darling are truly priceless!
Some of the ugliest people I have ever met, had flawless "shells"
Yet held hollow souls...
So very unattractive.
Ask yourself,
Is your heart pure?
Your soul beautiful?
If so, then you my darling are truly priceless!
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Jealousy...
There is enough love in my heart to share
...rather than grieve
My body is strong
...therefore I can help, guide and protect
My mind is sound and grounded
...unbiased and without prejudice
My spirit ever soaring
...always looking to lift others with me
Why hold jealousy in heart, body, mind or spirit?
When we all, have this world to share unconditionally if we allow ourselves too!
...rather than grieve
My body is strong
...therefore I can help, guide and protect
My mind is sound and grounded
...unbiased and without prejudice
My spirit ever soaring
...always looking to lift others with me
Why hold jealousy in heart, body, mind or spirit?
When we all, have this world to share unconditionally if we allow ourselves too!
Wrestling Midgets Killed by Fake Hookers
Brothers in armlocks Alberto and Alejandro Pérez Jiménez were found dead in a hotel room after being drugged and robbed.
Masks of respect: Relatives say a final goodbye at the twins home in Mexico CityThe women who spiked the twins' drinks are thought to be members of an organised crime gang who pose as prostitutes to attract victims.
They normally just knock out their victims but the dose proved too much for Alberto – aka 'La Parkita' (Little Death) and Alejandro – aka 'Espectrito II'.
The 36-year-olds were veteran stars of the 'Lucha Mini' world of midget wrestling.
They began their fighting careers 17 years ago in a tag team called the Small Devils and sometimes crossed over into American WWF/WWE wrestling.
Skeleton-masked La Parkita fought at the WWF Royal Rumble showpiece events in 1997 and 1998 in a tag team alongside Lucha Mini legend and Hollywood actor Mascarita Sagrada.
At the 1997 Royal Rumble, he faced – and beat – a tag team featuring his brother, who was fighting under the name Mini Mankind.
Alejandro also fought at WWE events using the alias 'Tarantula'. But it seems their wrestling careers were the last thing on their minds on Sunday night.
The luchadors picked up the two women after filming a TV fight show and took them to a hotel, according to police in Mexico City.
But while preparing for their 'bouts' they appear to have had their alcoholic drinks spiked before being robbed.
The pair were found by cleaners at the hotel on Monday. Tests suggested they had not had sex with the women.
It is thought their size made them more vulnerable to the drugs the women put in their drinks.
Police suspect a gang known as The Leak or The Drops was involved in the incident and said 20 people were arrested for similar crimes last year.
Yesterday, there were conflicting reports as to whether the 'prostitutes' had been arrested.
Read more: http://www.metro.co.uk/news/696603-wrestling-midgets-killed-by-fake-hookers#ixzz26wHgvCcd
Should You Fear Reptiles?
Personally, nothing frightens me...
Afterall, not to sound like a tough guy...
But, what is fear?
Fear nothing...because all will come to Pass!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYE4XSMTAmU
Afterall, not to sound like a tough guy...
But, what is fear?
Fear nothing...because all will come to Pass!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYE4XSMTAmU
Tarots and Soulmates
You’re dressed and ready to go. You look hot, if you do say so yourself. So what’s the last thing you should do before slipping out the door to meet your date? Draw a tarot card, of course. A tarot reading, even a slapdash one, can divine some instant and valuable information. Like a high-powered microscope, the cards may show you what’s going on deep inside your head and heart. They can tell you what you want, what you’re ready for, and what you might encounter with your next conquest. They can also calm your nerves, but they’re far healthier than cigarettes or a cocktail (but possibly just as addictive).
Tarot has been around for ages. The cards were first seen in 15th century in northern Italy, when they were used for a game called Triumphs, similar to bridge. A few centuries later, occultists in France rediscovered the cards and began to use them for divinatory purposes. The images on tarot cards are said to be linked to Kabbalah, the ancient Jewish mystical sect favored by Madonna. Kabbalah is at least 5,000 years old - as old as the Hebrews of the Old Testament.
Tarot has been around for ages. The cards were first seen in 15th century in northern Italy, when they were used for a game called Triumphs, similar to bridge. A few centuries later, occultists in France rediscovered the cards and began to use them for divinatory purposes. The images on tarot cards are said to be linked to Kabbalah, the ancient Jewish mystical sect favored by Madonna. Kabbalah is at least 5,000 years old - as old as the Hebrews of the Old Testament.
Despite their storied past, Tarot readings are not just the stuff of fortune tellers with bad moles and ugly kerchiefs. You can do readings yourself, in your own home, and achieve expertise with enough practice. The power of Tarot comes from the diviner (the reader) and the subject (if you’re reading for yourself, that’s you).
The cards don’t possess any inherent magic. Instead, they serve as an intuitive tool. The very subtle energies passed between the reader and the subject reveal any unconscious, prescient knowledge about the question asked.
The most important thing to keep in mind when using tarot for divination is that you are the guide. The cards mirror your thoughts, fears and hopes. They help you hone your intuition and get in touch with the psychic powers you possess. (Yes, you do have psychic powers.) We recommend self-study, meditating on the cards and practicing on willing friends. And if you can hook up with a talented tarot card reader in your community, you can surely learn a thing or two.
If you’ve never seen a deck, you’re in for a treat. Tarot cards are beautiful and mysterious, full of ancient, archetypal images from throughout the ages. The images are so powerful that the cards make perfect meditation tools. Tarot decks should be wrapped in silk when not in use.
Special hint:We recommend the Rider-Waite deck. You can find it in just about any bookstore, or online. It’s the best starter deck of all.
The cards don’t possess any inherent magic. Instead, they serve as an intuitive tool. The very subtle energies passed between the reader and the subject reveal any unconscious, prescient knowledge about the question asked.
The most important thing to keep in mind when using tarot for divination is that you are the guide. The cards mirror your thoughts, fears and hopes. They help you hone your intuition and get in touch with the psychic powers you possess. (Yes, you do have psychic powers.) We recommend self-study, meditating on the cards and practicing on willing friends. And if you can hook up with a talented tarot card reader in your community, you can surely learn a thing or two.
If you’ve never seen a deck, you’re in for a treat. Tarot cards are beautiful and mysterious, full of ancient, archetypal images from throughout the ages. The images are so powerful that the cards make perfect meditation tools. Tarot decks should be wrapped in silk when not in use.
Special hint:We recommend the Rider-Waite deck. You can find it in just about any bookstore, or online. It’s the best starter deck of all.
Spreading Things OutYou’ll find 78 cards, with 21 major arcana, and 57 minor arcana in your tarot deck. A traditional tarot card reading draws from the entire deck. A “spread” is an expression for the various ways in which one can lay out the cards on the table. An excellent spread for newbies is the Celtic Cross. But for a quick-and-dirty Dating Divination reading, you can simply work with the 21 major arcana.
When you get a bit more sophisticated and/or curious, you can learn more about the rest of your deck by consulting the handy booklet that came with the deck. For the spreads described here, you must first separate the 21 major arcana from the minor arcana. You can easily pull out the proper cards according to their titles, listed below in the Interpretations section.
The Drive-Through, Single-Card Reading This reading is the perfect thing if you’re running late and your date’s at the door. The major arcana cards should be shuffled, laid face down, and spread out in a fan. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and meditate briefly on what you hope your date will bring. Then draw one card for an instant reading.
When you get a bit more sophisticated and/or curious, you can learn more about the rest of your deck by consulting the handy booklet that came with the deck. For the spreads described here, you must first separate the 21 major arcana from the minor arcana. You can easily pull out the proper cards according to their titles, listed below in the Interpretations section.
The Drive-Through, Single-Card Reading This reading is the perfect thing if you’re running late and your date’s at the door. The major arcana cards should be shuffled, laid face down, and spread out in a fan. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and meditate briefly on what you hope your date will bring. Then draw one card for an instant reading.
The Dating Divination Spread: A Five-Course Meal
If you have a little time and want something a bit more complex, try this five-card spread. We’ve based this spread on general readings created by master tarot readers, but we’ve tailored it for our dating divination purposes.
As you did in the single-card reading, shuffle the 21 cards while breathing deeply and focusing on your date. Then remove the top five cards one by one, spreading them out in a fan, face up. Read them from left to right.
Position one shows the present moment, Position 2 represents the near future. Position 3 signifies what’s going on with you, and position 4 represents what’s going on for your date. The final card symbolizes the outcome of the date and potential for a relationship.
Interpretations
The Fool:
Take a leap into the unknown. This card indicates that you’re ready to start a new chapter when it comes to love and relationships. It calls for an open mind, a free heart and a spontaneous attitude. It’s OK to wear your heart on your sleeve. Anything can happen, and you’re definitely going to learn something new.
If you have a little time and want something a bit more complex, try this five-card spread. We’ve based this spread on general readings created by master tarot readers, but we’ve tailored it for our dating divination purposes.
As you did in the single-card reading, shuffle the 21 cards while breathing deeply and focusing on your date. Then remove the top five cards one by one, spreading them out in a fan, face up. Read them from left to right.
Position one shows the present moment, Position 2 represents the near future. Position 3 signifies what’s going on with you, and position 4 represents what’s going on for your date. The final card symbolizes the outcome of the date and potential for a relationship.
Interpretations
The Fool:
Take a leap into the unknown. This card indicates that you’re ready to start a new chapter when it comes to love and relationships. It calls for an open mind, a free heart and a spontaneous attitude. It’s OK to wear your heart on your sleeve. Anything can happen, and you’re definitely going to learn something new.
The Magician:
Beware of the trickster. This card might reveal a clever character prone to using tricks to get what he wants. Communication is paramount, so keep your ears peeled and stay alert.
The High Priestess:
The Goddess force is with you. Trust your intuition, because that vibe is right on. This card suggests that your feminine instincts remain strong and you’re at one with your womanly powers.
The Empress:
Venus is the dominant energy of the Empress card. It’s a card of pregnancy - don’t take this too literally, but do use protection if you end up in bed - suggesting the situation is pregnant with possibility. Anything can happen.
The Emperor:
Someone may want to play boss. Watch out for power plays and be sure to hold your own. Self-possession is key.
The High Priest:
This card indicates a need to keep the faith despite what you may see or hear. If you truly listen on a deeper level, you'll understand the spiritual or inspirational connection at hand.
Beware of the trickster. This card might reveal a clever character prone to using tricks to get what he wants. Communication is paramount, so keep your ears peeled and stay alert.
The High Priestess:
The Goddess force is with you. Trust your intuition, because that vibe is right on. This card suggests that your feminine instincts remain strong and you’re at one with your womanly powers.
The Empress:
Venus is the dominant energy of the Empress card. It’s a card of pregnancy - don’t take this too literally, but do use protection if you end up in bed - suggesting the situation is pregnant with possibility. Anything can happen.
The Emperor:
Someone may want to play boss. Watch out for power plays and be sure to hold your own. Self-possession is key.
The High Priest:
This card indicates a need to keep the faith despite what you may see or hear. If you truly listen on a deeper level, you'll understand the spiritual or inspirational connection at hand.
The Lovers:
Looking for love at first sight? Off-the-hook chemistry? You may have just found it. The Lovers card symbolizes a union of the opposites, a yin-yang coming together of pieces that fit perfectly.
The Chariot:
This card can foretell a beautiful merger. But if timing is off you may feel unusually emotional about lost potential. In any case, you can count on a lot of emotion in the near future.
Strength:
This card calls for an extra shot of self-confidence. Don’t be afraid to put your head in the lion’s mouth, so to speak. Just make sure the lion doesn’t bite: Keep your lust in check.
The Hermit:
This card symbolizes solitude and the need to stay close to home. Meditation and retreat are indicated.
Wheel of Fortune:
A lucky break is in store and you’re in for quite a ride. This card suggests an excessively good time – too much is not enough. But one too many spins might make you dizzy, so go easy.
Justice:
Keep a cool head and don’t jump to any conclusions. It’s best to take the middle path. The more you take a rational, rather than emotional, approach to matters, the better off you’ll be.
Looking for love at first sight? Off-the-hook chemistry? You may have just found it. The Lovers card symbolizes a union of the opposites, a yin-yang coming together of pieces that fit perfectly.
The Chariot:
This card can foretell a beautiful merger. But if timing is off you may feel unusually emotional about lost potential. In any case, you can count on a lot of emotion in the near future.
Strength:
This card calls for an extra shot of self-confidence. Don’t be afraid to put your head in the lion’s mouth, so to speak. Just make sure the lion doesn’t bite: Keep your lust in check.
The Hermit:
This card symbolizes solitude and the need to stay close to home. Meditation and retreat are indicated.
Wheel of Fortune:
A lucky break is in store and you’re in for quite a ride. This card suggests an excessively good time – too much is not enough. But one too many spins might make you dizzy, so go easy.
Justice:
Keep a cool head and don’t jump to any conclusions. It’s best to take the middle path. The more you take a rational, rather than emotional, approach to matters, the better off you’ll be.
Death:
A very intense, transformative experience may lie ahead. You might not know what just hit you, but you’ll welcome it again. The Death card also indicates the potential for a strong magnetic connection guaranteed to take you to new heights or new depths. You’ll think you’ve died and gone either to heaven or to the underworld.
Temperance:
Listen carefully to your inner voice. Avoid extremes and keep one foot on the ground at all times. You may feel your guardian angels floating above, making your wishes come true – and you may be right.
The Devil:
Temptation. Degradation. Sexual obsession. Need we say more? Try not to become overly consumed by passion and don’t let fear, shame or lust get the best of you. We recommend not taking off your clothes if you draw this card.
The Hanged Man:
Try to be OK with the nebulous quality of this card. It’s not supposed to point to a definitive outcome. Tolerate the interesting chaos – you may have a major epiphany as a result of sitting with uncertainty.
The Tower:
Expect a radical shift of perception, almost as though your whole world has been shaken up at its core. You may experience a strange new sense of liberation.
A very intense, transformative experience may lie ahead. You might not know what just hit you, but you’ll welcome it again. The Death card also indicates the potential for a strong magnetic connection guaranteed to take you to new heights or new depths. You’ll think you’ve died and gone either to heaven or to the underworld.
Temperance:
Listen carefully to your inner voice. Avoid extremes and keep one foot on the ground at all times. You may feel your guardian angels floating above, making your wishes come true – and you may be right.
The Devil:
Temptation. Degradation. Sexual obsession. Need we say more? Try not to become overly consumed by passion and don’t let fear, shame or lust get the best of you. We recommend not taking off your clothes if you draw this card.
The Hanged Man:
Try to be OK with the nebulous quality of this card. It’s not supposed to point to a definitive outcome. Tolerate the interesting chaos – you may have a major epiphany as a result of sitting with uncertainty.
The Tower:
Expect a radical shift of perception, almost as though your whole world has been shaken up at its core. You may experience a strange new sense of liberation.
The Star:
Your wish has come true. You may feel like you have just met your new best friend as waves of calm and tranquility wash over you from the get-go. Enjoy all that you have in common and your amazing instant connection.
The Sun:
Here comes the fun. Be totally open and spontaneous and feel like a kid again. It’s all about letting the good times roll.
The Moon:
If you find yourself feeling unusually paranoid, blame it on the moon. Any fears or feelings of abandonment that surface are most likely delusional. But keep your wits about you just in case.
Judgment:
Latent feelings may be stirred up. You may be receiving some sort of wake-up call. Be careful not to be too judgmental toward yourself or your date.
Your wish has come true. You may feel like you have just met your new best friend as waves of calm and tranquility wash over you from the get-go. Enjoy all that you have in common and your amazing instant connection.
The Sun:
Here comes the fun. Be totally open and spontaneous and feel like a kid again. It’s all about letting the good times roll.
The Moon:
If you find yourself feeling unusually paranoid, blame it on the moon. Any fears or feelings of abandonment that surface are most likely delusional. But keep your wits about you just in case.
Judgment:
Latent feelings may be stirred up. You may be receiving some sort of wake-up call. Be careful not to be too judgmental toward yourself or your date.
The World:Look out – karmic connection ahead. Seeds that were planted long ago are sprouting, and the roots go very deep. You never know which past life will be evoked when you pull this card.
Is He Your Soulmate?
The term "soulmate" often carries visions of mystic astrological card readings, reincarnation and destiny. But you don't have to believe in anything supernatural in order to have a soulmate. Your soulmate is someone who lights the fire inside of you, whom you love unequivocally and who shares your worldview. So does your guy make the grade or are you settling for a relationship that's just "nice?" Find out now if he's your soulmate.
Is He Your Soulmate?
The term "soulmate" often carries visions of mystic astrological card readings, reincarnation and destiny. But you don't have to believe in anything supernatural in order to have a soulmate. Your soulmate is someone who lights the fire inside of you, whom you love unequivocally and who shares your worldview. So does your guy make the grade or are you settling for a relationship that's just "nice?" Find out now if he's your soulmate.
Reinvigorate your Marriage
According to Sheila Hageman, a small relationship method change allowed a significant upgrade to her Sex Life...
http://www.aol.com/video/community-sound-off-sexual-contracts-better-sex/517482288/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl17%7Csec1_lnk2%26pLid%3D207623
http://www.aol.com/video/community-sound-off-sexual-contracts-better-sex/517482288/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl17%7Csec1_lnk2%26pLid%3D207623
Monday, September 17, 2012
We ALL Change...
Its up to us
To Learn,
Adjust
and
Grow,
Evolve
for the better
....
I once thought a truth that turned into an ugly lie
The lie grew to be told as a truth...
Before long,
Everyone believed it as so...
An ugly truth that came from a harmless lie
To Learn,
Adjust
and
Grow,
Evolve
for the better
....
I once thought a truth that turned into an ugly lie
The lie grew to be told as a truth...
Before long,
Everyone believed it as so...
An ugly truth that came from a harmless lie
If you don't mind me asking...
But...
What sort of mistake did you make ten months ago...that has still weighed your heart with ache, your mind with mistrust...and seemingly broken your spirit?
We All make mistakes.
That's life.
Mistakes exist as lesson plans for us. A tool of teaching via 'tough love'
That mistake ten months ago...was meant to teach you something.
Without that lesson, would you have learned from your mistake?
What sort of mistake did you make ten months ago...that has still weighed your heart with ache, your mind with mistrust...and seemingly broken your spirit?
We All make mistakes.
That's life.
Mistakes exist as lesson plans for us. A tool of teaching via 'tough love'
That mistake ten months ago...was meant to teach you something.
Without that lesson, would you have learned from your mistake?
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
The Best Way to Learn?
Lessons in life are inevitable...all facets are faced with these growing pains.
"To live, and learn"
They are hardly forgiving, and at the time in which they are witnessed and endured...they seem cruel and unnecessary.
Mostly misunderstood during...
Never appreciated before...
Much like...light is never appreciated without experiencing the dark...Joy is never understood without living the sadness that preceded it!
Open minds welcome them...
Grounded souls anticipate them...
Lessons have themes...and they come with emotions. They have legs...which will carry us throughout life. They come with wings...that lift us far higher then we ever dreamed. They have fins and a tail...allowing us to dive deep in our own personal spiritual well. They help us grow claws, teeth and fur...to survive periods of famine, even in the dead of winter.
Our senses, honed for survival...expedentially flourish...if we allow them too.
Our hearts learn to climb to levels of forgiveness and acceptance.
Our souls grow wise.
Our memories warp to embrace these invaluable assets.
"While loves is the universal language, it comes in different flavors, from puppy love, to summer romances, to true love that lasts a lifetime Love also comes in all shapes and sizes:"
"To live, and learn"
They are hardly forgiving, and at the time in which they are witnessed and endured...they seem cruel and unnecessary.
Mostly misunderstood during...
Never appreciated before...
Much like...light is never appreciated without experiencing the dark...Joy is never understood without living the sadness that preceded it!
Open minds welcome them...
Grounded souls anticipate them...
Lessons have themes...and they come with emotions. They have legs...which will carry us throughout life. They come with wings...that lift us far higher then we ever dreamed. They have fins and a tail...allowing us to dive deep in our own personal spiritual well. They help us grow claws, teeth and fur...to survive periods of famine, even in the dead of winter.
Our senses, honed for survival...expedentially flourish...if we allow them too.
Our hearts learn to climb to levels of forgiveness and acceptance.
Our souls grow wise.
Our memories warp to embrace these invaluable assets.
"While loves is the universal language, it comes in different flavors, from puppy love, to summer romances, to true love that lasts a lifetime Love also comes in all shapes and sizes:"
All Lessons come with Love.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Bad Sleeping Habits
We're living in an age of amazing technological advancement, a time when digital connection and convenience are changing the way we work and live, and scientific breakthroughs are transforming our understanding and treatment of disease. Yet we're more challenged than ever by an ancient practice that's essential to human life: sleep.
In a time and a culture when everything is supposed to be streamlined and made easier, why is sleep so hard? That's the question posed by David K. Randall in this thought-provoking essay that explores the particular -- and particularly significant -- challenges of sleep in our modern age. Randall, a journalist who's just written a book about the science of sleep, covers a lot of ground here: the epidemic levels of sleep disorders in the U.S. and our chronic collective tiredness. An exploding sleep industry that isn't solving our sleep problem. The history of our sleep habits as a species, how they've been affected and challenged by modernization itself, and how the very technologies that are supposed to be making our lives easier are wreaking havoc with our ability to sleep.
We're living in a 24-hour "on" culture, fueled in large part by personal technology that makes it difficult to power down and step away from our tablets, smartphones, and digital screens. All of this exposure to light -- and the stimulation of the brain that comes with it -- is interfering with our ability to sleep. A 2011 National Sleep Foundation survey on technology and sleep found that 95 percent of American adults use some type of electronic device in the hour before their bedtime. This nighttime exposure to light causes several problems that inhibit sleep:
What prompted the shift to a single period of sleep? Changes to the daily life of Western culture, the rise of an industrial society, and the creation and ready supply of artificial light sources that extended the "daylight" hours beyond actual daylight. We now live in a time when we actively have to seek out darkness, a problem that most humans throughout history couldn't imagine facing. Studies indicate that despite our efforts to consolidate sleep into a single eight-hour cycle, our bodies still carry the inclination to sleep in two shifts.
There's little question that as a society today, we're increasingly -- and sometimes dangerously -- sleep-deprived. A recent large-scale study by the Centers for Disease Control returned some disturbing results about how much, or rather how little, workers in the U.S. are sleeping. The study found that almost a third of working Americans are sleeping no more than six hours a day. Among shift workers and manufacturing workers, the rates are substantially higher. When you consider that shift workers in this country include many of the people employed to keep us safe, watch over our health, and transport us safely by air and land, it's not difficult to see this lack of sleep in the workforce as a public safety issue, as well as a public health problem.
When we are sleeping, we're not sleeping well. Sleep disorders -- from insomnia to sleep apnea and snoring -- affect millions of Americans, including children. According to the National Sleep Foundation, as many as 40 percent of adults in the U.S. experience some insomnia every year. Among 15 percent of the adult population, this insomnia is chronic. And studies like this one show only about 1 in 4 people are talking to their doctors about their sleep problems, which leaves many sleep disorders significantly undiagnosed.
Left untreated, disrupted sleep can cause a wide range of health problems over time, from heart disease and stroke to diabetes. People with sleep problems are significantly more likely to need medical care than those who sleep well. The estimated costs in the workplace and in our health care system as a result of sleep disorders run into the billions of dollars.
It may be easy to think of sleep problems as beginning and ending at the door to our own bedrooms. But it's not true. Just as sleep problems have a ripple effect in our own individual lives, affecting our jobs and our relationships, collectively our sleep problems create a very serious and very expensive public health issue.
We've got a booming sleep industry -- fueled by everything from a growing array of prescription sleep aids and "natural" supplements, to sleep gadgetry, sleep getaways, and custom-designed bedrooms for loud sleepers -- that promises to cure our sleep woes. But the billions of dollars we're spending on quick fixes for sleep simply aren't doing the trick. And this is what Randall's essay does well to point out: the problem with our fundamental attitude toward sleep. As a society, we still wear our sleep deprivation, and our ability to function on minimal rest, as a badge of honor. We still stigmatize the practice of napping -- the closest approximation, in today's busy, lit-up world, of the bi-phasic sleep that our pre-industrial ancestors practiced for centuries. We still leave sleep out of the conversations we're having with our doctors. We still push sleep aside when our schedules get busy, and our days get long, telling ourselves we'll "catch up" on the weekend.
As much as we may wish there were, there are no shortcuts to a healthy, sustainable sleep routine. The most important change we could make to turn our collective sleep habits around? We could start taking sleep a whole lot more seriously.
Sweet Dreams,
Michael J. Breus, PhD
The Sleep Doctor™
In a time and a culture when everything is supposed to be streamlined and made easier, why is sleep so hard? That's the question posed by David K. Randall in this thought-provoking essay that explores the particular -- and particularly significant -- challenges of sleep in our modern age. Randall, a journalist who's just written a book about the science of sleep, covers a lot of ground here: the epidemic levels of sleep disorders in the U.S. and our chronic collective tiredness. An exploding sleep industry that isn't solving our sleep problem. The history of our sleep habits as a species, how they've been affected and challenged by modernization itself, and how the very technologies that are supposed to be making our lives easier are wreaking havoc with our ability to sleep.
We're living in a 24-hour "on" culture, fueled in large part by personal technology that makes it difficult to power down and step away from our tablets, smartphones, and digital screens. All of this exposure to light -- and the stimulation of the brain that comes with it -- is interfering with our ability to sleep. A 2011 National Sleep Foundation survey on technology and sleep found that 95 percent of American adults use some type of electronic device in the hour before their bedtime. This nighttime exposure to light causes several problems that inhibit sleep:
- It prevents or delays the body from producing melatonin, a hormone essential to sleep.
- The activity itself creates stimulation in the mind, when what we most need is to relax.
- And the presence of these devices in the bedroom brings the outside world -- including the office -- into the bedroom, which should be a sanctuary for sleep and intimacy.
What prompted the shift to a single period of sleep? Changes to the daily life of Western culture, the rise of an industrial society, and the creation and ready supply of artificial light sources that extended the "daylight" hours beyond actual daylight. We now live in a time when we actively have to seek out darkness, a problem that most humans throughout history couldn't imagine facing. Studies indicate that despite our efforts to consolidate sleep into a single eight-hour cycle, our bodies still carry the inclination to sleep in two shifts.
There's little question that as a society today, we're increasingly -- and sometimes dangerously -- sleep-deprived. A recent large-scale study by the Centers for Disease Control returned some disturbing results about how much, or rather how little, workers in the U.S. are sleeping. The study found that almost a third of working Americans are sleeping no more than six hours a day. Among shift workers and manufacturing workers, the rates are substantially higher. When you consider that shift workers in this country include many of the people employed to keep us safe, watch over our health, and transport us safely by air and land, it's not difficult to see this lack of sleep in the workforce as a public safety issue, as well as a public health problem.
When we are sleeping, we're not sleeping well. Sleep disorders -- from insomnia to sleep apnea and snoring -- affect millions of Americans, including children. According to the National Sleep Foundation, as many as 40 percent of adults in the U.S. experience some insomnia every year. Among 15 percent of the adult population, this insomnia is chronic. And studies like this one show only about 1 in 4 people are talking to their doctors about their sleep problems, which leaves many sleep disorders significantly undiagnosed.
Left untreated, disrupted sleep can cause a wide range of health problems over time, from heart disease and stroke to diabetes. People with sleep problems are significantly more likely to need medical care than those who sleep well. The estimated costs in the workplace and in our health care system as a result of sleep disorders run into the billions of dollars.
It may be easy to think of sleep problems as beginning and ending at the door to our own bedrooms. But it's not true. Just as sleep problems have a ripple effect in our own individual lives, affecting our jobs and our relationships, collectively our sleep problems create a very serious and very expensive public health issue.
We've got a booming sleep industry -- fueled by everything from a growing array of prescription sleep aids and "natural" supplements, to sleep gadgetry, sleep getaways, and custom-designed bedrooms for loud sleepers -- that promises to cure our sleep woes. But the billions of dollars we're spending on quick fixes for sleep simply aren't doing the trick. And this is what Randall's essay does well to point out: the problem with our fundamental attitude toward sleep. As a society, we still wear our sleep deprivation, and our ability to function on minimal rest, as a badge of honor. We still stigmatize the practice of napping -- the closest approximation, in today's busy, lit-up world, of the bi-phasic sleep that our pre-industrial ancestors practiced for centuries. We still leave sleep out of the conversations we're having with our doctors. We still push sleep aside when our schedules get busy, and our days get long, telling ourselves we'll "catch up" on the weekend.
As much as we may wish there were, there are no shortcuts to a healthy, sustainable sleep routine. The most important change we could make to turn our collective sleep habits around? We could start taking sleep a whole lot more seriously.
Sweet Dreams,
Michael J. Breus, PhD
The Sleep Doctor™
Friday, September 7, 2012
Don't Let Life Pass You By
Enjoy Each Day
Laugh Loudly
Love Uncondiotonally
Play Hard
Work Dilligently
Pursue Passion
Give Lots of Hugs
But...
Most...
of All...
Drink Deeply from the Well of Life
Laugh Loudly
Love Uncondiotonally
Play Hard
Work Dilligently
Pursue Passion
Give Lots of Hugs
But...
Most...
of All...
Drink Deeply from the Well of Life
Thursday, September 6, 2012
The Four Elements: A Definitive Guide to Successful Human Relations
Article written by Gwydion Frost
Follow Gwydion Frost's own blog at
www.frost.obliviousgenius.com
Thank You for your contribution to Human Dynamics and Interpersonal Relations Gwydion.
It's an interesting proposition.
One that I have had both the pleasure of, and agony of, mulling over in my brain for many many years now. So, for the first time, I am going to attempt to write it all down. I have shared this with several people over the years, but never as an article, as I am doing now.
You see, we've been told by countless folks how we should interact with each other. "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and the like, for decades, have flooded our bookshelves, each promising to reveal secrets that will make us popular and powerful.
Some have very useful tips and techniques. Some are complete steaming piles of feel-good bullshit. None give us a measure, a yardstick, by which we may identify and recognize the health and strength of our interconnectivity with the people that we share our experiences, and our very lives.
So, I will.
A little background, first. I, after graduating from High School, never went on to college. I served a tour in the Marines, then traveled around and worked a slew of jobs in literally every field of occupation there is. My resume reads like a Classified section of the newspaper. I chose to walk this path for two reasons-- the first being the need to fuel my desire for knowledge and experience. I have always been curious about everything, which is one of the reasons why I kind of skipped past college. How the hell could I just pick one field in which to focus all of my attention, when there were dozens more just as interesting to me? I'm the guy who reads the college textbooks of my friends for fun, not credit. Instead of being shut up in a classroom and learning about what others were doing outside, I decided to get in on the ground floor, get my hands dirty, and learn from doing it myself. This exposed me to a very large cross-section of the population, from every walk of life. And that gave rise to the second reason for doing all this...
Ask me, and I will tell you: I am a Student of Man. I always have been. Human beings absolutely fascinate me. We are, bar none, the most complex and intricately enabled social animal on the planet. Just our capacity to create extra-genetic knowledge [short explanation of that term: DNA holds all the information of a species, usually. This includes all physical and instinctual data. Any information beyond that, utilized by a species, is learned behavior... mother teaching young to forage, etc. Humans go beyond this-- in fact, the best example is staring you in the face right now. Written language allows us to go beyond the teacher-student mentoring of the mother/young scenario, and potentially pass complex information and teaching over hundreds of centuries. One being's thoughts may now echo and influence for a millennium or more past their actual living years, and this capacity of ours only snowballs in how much information can be aggregated as time continues to march on.] sets us above and beyond any other species in our uniqueness.
So I've spent my entire life learning from observing other human beings-- much like nature show hosts do on Animal Planet. This has led me to some interesting insights, especially when it comes to the most basic function of humans-- social interaction.
The fundamental conclusion I have come to is that all human relationships, regardless if they are platonic or romantic, must be comprised of four elements. In an interesting parallel, this concept of four elements seems to be prevalent in expression of a stable reality, universally. In Alchemy, the four elements were Air, Water, Earth, and Fire. In Science, the four states of matter are Gas, Liquid, Solid, and Energy. The four elements of human relations are no different, and again draw a strong parallel to the two aforementioned observations of reality.
So, without further ado, let's just cut to the chase and get down to the nitty gritty.
Now, just for an experiment, I would request that you use these to measure both current and previous relations, to test my observations and see if they hold. If current relations [friends, lovers, mates] contain all four elements, then they are stable, and will continue indefinitely. If they are lacking one of the elements, then they will eventually fail, and the cause can be traced to the element that is missing. Looking back upon prior relationships, one will be able to see clearly what was missing, and thus, why they were doomed to failure from the beginning, even if we ourselves were unaware of it at the time.
The four elements, explained one at a time:
1. Trust.
This element is the psychological equivalent to Air or Gas in parallel. It is the least dense of the elements, because it is based not upon an action but the intent of the other person involved. Trust is accepting the knowledge that the other person is not going to intentionally cause you hurt or harm. This is not to say that you won't get hurt or harmed, but it is not a betrayal of trust if the hurt or harm was accidental or unintentional. Many people would argue that they don't trust very easily, but the sheer act of interaction or information sharing is a matter of trust. Without any trust, there is no social being, period. If you cannot trust the other person, then you cannot rely on them or depend upon them to not do you harm.
This element, like all of them, is not only necessary of yourself to be working and functional, but also required by the other person in the social interaction. Not only must you feel unthreatened by the other person, but they, too, must feel that same quality from you-- that you are not going to try to hurt them.
2. Communication.
This element is the psychological equivalent of Water or Liquid in parallel. Communication is a flowing of information between the two people involved, constantly moving and changing. Once you have established a measure of Trust [that you can indeed transfer information safely], this is the next stage. For a relationship to truly last indefinitely, one must be able to express all topics freely and without reservation. You should be able to be comfortable chatting about anything, from the trivial and mundane, to the personal and complex. If there are gaps in this information exchange, something you do not feel comfortable sharing..? This is where the breakdown begins-- because misunderstanding starts there. No one can have a complete understanding with missing data, and assumptions will fill the void. Truth is now reliant upon theory, instead of fact.
The flip side to this is the ability to listen. And I am not indicating merely hearing the other person, but paying attention and understanding what is being shared. Its not only important to understand what is being said, but how it is being said, and even noting what is not being said-- because in addition to the written and spoken languages, you also have to include body language... which speaks a lot louder than most folks realize.
Honesty and truth are critical here, but there is room for tact and subtlety. For an example, one of the most dangerous questions a man can ever hear: "Does this make me look fat?" Being who I am, I am fond of blunt and plain-spoken answers, always warning folks to not ask questions that they really don't want to hear the answers to... that being said, answering "Yes, enormous." is not going to make your night an easy one, even if it is true that the floral print mu-mu makes her look like a wallpapered sack of potatoes. In a situation like that, the best approach [remember, we are being honest, but not intending to hurt] would be to be subtle--
"I think that particular outfit hides/doesn't accent/exaggerates badly [insert your favorite body feature of her here]." In this way, you can convey that it isn't looking good without stepping on ego or esteem.
3. Respect.
This element is the psychological equivalent of Earth or Solid in parallel. This element is not about intentions or exchanges, but the recognition of importance to the other person. It is also about the actions taken, instead of the intent behind them. Respect is noting what information has been exchanged, and the priority of it for the other person. It could be as simple as closing a toilet seat, or putting a cap back on the toothpaste tube. Respect means that you have noticed what is important to the other person and will honor that importance to them by not trivializing it or dismissing it. It is also recognizing the other person's ability to make their own decisions, and to allow them to do so without interference or hindrance. In many aspects, Respect is a physical manifestation of Trust... whereas Trust is the intention, Respect is the action.
Again, like the previous two, it's only good when it's going in both directions-- you, too, must be allowed to be your own being, independent and autonomous. Things that are important to you must also be given priority. And in action, you must act in accordance with the Trust shown you by the act of Respect.
4. Affection.
This element is the psychological equivalent of Fire or Energy in parallel. Here's the fuel behind the social arrangement in the first place-- the one that most folks skip straight to, and forget the other three. Let's be honest... when you have this one, you can overlook the others-- justify the shortcomings-- and settle for the temporary over the long term. It can be a smolder and burn for years, or knock you over in a flash like a lightning strike. In a nutshell, this is simply liking the person. Yeah, it's that simple. For a relationship to work, you actually have to like the person. I'm not talking about physical attraction or lust, because let's face it... that's just a matter of hormonal drives, and has nothing to do with emotional feeling whatsoever. When I say like, I am talking about the qualities of the person which appeal to you, and make you desire to be around them and spend time with them. And not just between the sheets, either, but the other hours of the day as well. And it's also important to note-- it's not what they do for you that should be the attraction, but what they do for themselves. Things they are passionate about. Things they enjoy doing. Things they are good at. How they carry themselves. If you focus on what they do for you..? That's not affection, that's addiction.
And yes, this one, too, has to go both ways. They have to like you for you, and not for what you do for them, or how you make them horny... although if the relationship is romantic, that helps. ;)
So, in conclusion, pick folks at random from your life. Ask yourself, which ones did I have with them? Which ones did they have with me? The important thing is, you will note that the relationships that either fell apart or just drifted apart? Yeah, those are the ones lacking one of these elements, or lacking it being a two way exchange. And the relationships that have lasted and lasted...? Betcha they have all four!
One that I have had both the pleasure of, and agony of, mulling over in my brain for many many years now. So, for the first time, I am going to attempt to write it all down. I have shared this with several people over the years, but never as an article, as I am doing now.
You see, we've been told by countless folks how we should interact with each other. "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and the like, for decades, have flooded our bookshelves, each promising to reveal secrets that will make us popular and powerful.
Some have very useful tips and techniques. Some are complete steaming piles of feel-good bullshit. None give us a measure, a yardstick, by which we may identify and recognize the health and strength of our interconnectivity with the people that we share our experiences, and our very lives.
So, I will.
A little background, first. I, after graduating from High School, never went on to college. I served a tour in the Marines, then traveled around and worked a slew of jobs in literally every field of occupation there is. My resume reads like a Classified section of the newspaper. I chose to walk this path for two reasons-- the first being the need to fuel my desire for knowledge and experience. I have always been curious about everything, which is one of the reasons why I kind of skipped past college. How the hell could I just pick one field in which to focus all of my attention, when there were dozens more just as interesting to me? I'm the guy who reads the college textbooks of my friends for fun, not credit. Instead of being shut up in a classroom and learning about what others were doing outside, I decided to get in on the ground floor, get my hands dirty, and learn from doing it myself. This exposed me to a very large cross-section of the population, from every walk of life. And that gave rise to the second reason for doing all this...
Ask me, and I will tell you: I am a Student of Man. I always have been. Human beings absolutely fascinate me. We are, bar none, the most complex and intricately enabled social animal on the planet. Just our capacity to create extra-genetic knowledge [short explanation of that term: DNA holds all the information of a species, usually. This includes all physical and instinctual data. Any information beyond that, utilized by a species, is learned behavior... mother teaching young to forage, etc. Humans go beyond this-- in fact, the best example is staring you in the face right now. Written language allows us to go beyond the teacher-student mentoring of the mother/young scenario, and potentially pass complex information and teaching over hundreds of centuries. One being's thoughts may now echo and influence for a millennium or more past their actual living years, and this capacity of ours only snowballs in how much information can be aggregated as time continues to march on.] sets us above and beyond any other species in our uniqueness.
So I've spent my entire life learning from observing other human beings-- much like nature show hosts do on Animal Planet. This has led me to some interesting insights, especially when it comes to the most basic function of humans-- social interaction.
The fundamental conclusion I have come to is that all human relationships, regardless if they are platonic or romantic, must be comprised of four elements. In an interesting parallel, this concept of four elements seems to be prevalent in ex
So, without further ado, let's just cut to the chase and get down to the nitty gritty.
Now, just for an experiment, I would request that you use these to measure both current and previous relations, to test my observations and see if they hold. If current relations [friends, lovers, mates] contain all four elements, then they are stable, and will continue indefinitely. If they are lacking one of the elements, then they will eventually fail, and the cause can be traced to the element that is missing. Looking back upon prior relationships, one will be able to see clearly what was missing, and thus, why they were doomed to failure from the beginning, even if we ourselves were unaware of it at the time.
The four elements, explained one at a time:
1. Trust.
This element is the psychological equivalent to Air or Gas in parallel. It is the least dense of the elements, because it is ba
This element, like all of them, is not only necessary of yourself to be working and functional, but also required by the other person in the social interaction. Not only must you feel unthreatened by the other person, but they, too, must feel that same quality from you-- that you are not going to try to hurt them.
2. Communication.
This element is the psychological equivalent of Water or Liquid in parallel. Communication is a flowing of information between the two people involved, constantly moving and changing. Once you have established a measure of Trust [that you can indeed transfer information safely], this is the next stage. For a relationship to truly last indefinitely, one must be able to express all topics freely and without reservation. You should be able to be comfortable chatting about anything, from the trivial and mundane, to the personal and complex. If there are gaps in this information exchange, something you do not feel comfortable sharing..? This is where the breakdown begins-- because misunderstanding starts there. No one can have a complete understanding with missing data, and assumptions will fill the void. Truth is now reliant upon theory, instead of fact.
The flip side to this is the ability to listen. And I am not indicating merely hearing the other person, but paying attention and understanding what is being shared. Its not only important to understand what is being said, but how it is being said, and even noting what is not being said-- because in addition to the written and spoken languages, you also have to include body language... which speaks a lot louder than most folks realize.
Honesty and truth are critical here, but there is room for tact and subtlety. For an example, one of the most dangerous questions a man can ever hear: "Does this make me look fat?" Being who I am, I am fond of blunt and plain-spoken answers, always warning folks to not ask questions that they really don't want to hear the answers to... that being said, answering "Yes, enormous." is not going to make your night an easy one, even if it is true that the floral print mu-mu makes her look like a wallpapered sack of potatoes. In a situation like that, the best approach [remember, we are being honest, but not intending to hurt] would be to be subtle--
"I think that particular outfit hides/doesn't accent/exaggerates badly [insert your favorite body feature of her here]." In this way, you can convey that it isn't looking good without stepping on ego or esteem.
3. Respect.
This element is the psychological equivalent of Earth or Solid in parallel. This element is not about intentions or exchanges, but the recognition of importance to the other person. It is also about the actions taken, instead of the intent behind them. Respect is noting what information has been exchanged, and the priority of it for the other person. It could be as simple as closing a toilet seat, or putting a cap back on the toothpaste tube. Respect means that you have noticed what is important to the other person and will honor that importance to them by not trivializing it or dismissing it. It is also recognizing the other person's ability to make their own decisions, and to allow them to do so without interference or hindrance. In many aspects, Respect is a physical manifestation of Trust... whereas Trust is the intention, Respect is the action.
Again, like the previous two, it's only good when it's going in both directions-- you, too, must be allowed to be your own being, independent and autonomous. Things that are important to you must also be given priority. And in action, you must act in accordance with the Trust shown you by the act of Respect.
4. Affection.
This element is the psychological equivalent of Fire or Energy in parallel. Here's the fuel behind the social arrangement in the first place-- the one that most folks skip straight to, and forget the other three. Let's be honest... when you have this one, you can overlook the others-- justify the shortcomings-- and settle for the temporary over the long term. It can be a smolder and burn for years, or knock you over in a flash like a lightning strike. In a nutshell, this is simply liking the person. Yeah, it's that simple. For a relationship to work, you actually have to like the person. I'm not talking about physical attraction or lust, because let's face it... that's just a matter of hormonal drives, and has nothing to do with emotional feeling whatsoever. When I say like, I am talking about the qualities of the person which appeal to you, and make you desire to be around them and spend time with them. And not just between the sheets, either, but the other hours of the day as well. And it's also important to note-- it's not what they do for you that should be the attraction, but what they do for themselves. Things they are passionate about. Things they enjoy doing. Things they are good at. How they carry themselves. If you focus on what they do for you..? That's not affection, that's addiction.
And yes, this one, too, has to go both ways. They have to like you for you, and not for what you do for them, or how you make them horny... although if the relationship is romantic, that helps. ;)
So, in conclusion, pick folks at random from your life. Ask yourself, which ones did I have with them? Which ones did they have with me? The important thing is, you will note that the relationships that either fell apart or just drifted apart? Yeah, those are the ones lacking one of these elements, or lacking it being a two way exchange. And the relationships that have lasted and lasted...? Betcha they have all four!
Follow Gwydion Frost's own blog at
www.frost.obliviousgenius.com
Thank You for your contribution to Human Dynamics and Interpersonal Relations Gwydion.
A Husband, A House, A Mortgage, A Baby...and A Light Bulb Moment article by Robin Amos
I had it all. I had the American dream. I lived in a beautiful loft in the heart of SoHo (okay, I know some of you want the house and the picket fence, I wanted a loft in New York City).
And I had the baby, the most wonderful daughter. And two dogs. I had everything I'd ever dreamed of and I was deeply, deeply grateful.
I had the wedding, with a beautiful dress from Paris with lace, made in the 1920's -- very much my style. I had a honeymoon at a lovely resort in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.
We moved to New York City a few months after we got married to pursue our dreams. I was 34, not that young, but old enough to know what I was looking for. It had taken hundreds of dates, blind dates, fix-ups -- there was no internet dating in those days. I'd lived with other men. It had taken hard work, but I was determined to find the love of my life and have it all. My career was in television writing and I was about to break into films. I could hear the biological clock ticking and I desperately wanted to have a baby. I had dated men in my business and I finally found someone who was an artist -- intelligent, talented, articulate -- and he made a living. He was a bit lonely and depressed, but I was going to rescue him and make him happy with a family and a home and everything that would answer all of his prayers -- and mine -- and we would live happily ever after.
And we did, for a time. It was great.
It lasted until about a week after the wedding. And then, subtly, I sensed a shift. He had been attentive and available before, and within a few months after the wedding, I felt the door close. It wasn't obvious, but in the first year of our marriage I wrote an essay that was never published called "The Myths of Marriage." And the funny part was, I had taken a course years before about dating and marriage and one of the main points was that we present ourselves one way when we are trying to "get" someone and then once we "have" them; we let our guard down and we show who we really are.
I knew that and yet, I acted like I really enjoyed cooking though I hated cooking. And he acted like he really enjoyed spending weekends with me, when he really wanted to work seven days a week. But we made a commitment and we worked at it and we became a family.
There are few things in life more rewarding than finding someone you love, who loves you, who knows you and over the years, through all the difficult life experiences, is your ally and your friend and your sounding board and your lover. Those kind of relationships are hard to find.
But after 23 years of marriage, we got divorced. I deserved more and he deserved to be who he was (turns out he didn't really want to be rescued). And my beautiful lace dress from Paris? I had rented it from a costume house in Hollywood. Maybe even then I knew that you can't hold on to some things forever, no matter how beautiful they seem at one time in your life.
Here is my suggestion: Be you. Don't try to be anyone else.
Also, live your life with pleasure and do what you love and what is important to you. Work hard, play hard, don't be waiting for someone to complete you. Complete yourself.
A great marriage is really a dream for most. It takes honesty -- knowing and presenting who you really are. It isn't for everyone; it takes effort and a great deal of compromise and patience. It is not the Nobel Prize of life. It is no longer even the American dream, or any dream. Perhaps you saw Eric Klinenberg's piece inThe New York Times about living alone in which he reports, "More people live alone now than at any other time in history... In Manhattan and in Washington, nearly one in two households are occupied by a single person... In Paris, the city of lovers, more than half of all households contain single people." Even in Paris -- my beloved city of lights -- even they had a light bulb moment: living alone, or at least unmarried, need not be stigmatized or pathetic or necessarily lonely.
I don't know if I will ever get married again. Divorce was one of the worst experiences of my life, which led me to one of the best and most productive periods of my life. I am not waiting to meet the next man to love; I am busy, working hard, grateful for my life, dating, dancing, enjoying my daughter, my friends and a rent-stabilized loft in SoHo, which I share with a good friend. Not a man. With men, I dance. And right now, that's working really well for me.
Dreams are for when you are asleep. Life is what happens when you are awake. It's never what you expect. Enjoy it.
Follow Robin Amos Kahn on Twitter: www.twitter.com/rakahn
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Girls are like Apples
The good ones are at the Top of the tree...
The boys do not want to reach for the good ones,
Because...if they reach that high...
The are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead...
They reach down for the rotten apples
On the ground...which aren't any good...
But Rotten as can be.
So,
The apples on top start to think
"what is wrong with me"
When in fact, these apples are nothing but the best..l
They just have to wait for the Right Brave Boy
Who will climb all the way to the Top...
The boys do not want to reach for the good ones,
Because...if they reach that high...
The are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead...
They reach down for the rotten apples
On the ground...which aren't any good...
But Rotten as can be.
So,
The apples on top start to think
"what is wrong with me"
When in fact, these apples are nothing but the best..l
They just have to wait for the Right Brave Boy
Who will climb all the way to the Top...
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Criminal Behavior...when you mistreat someone's Emotions
Our flesh will Mend in order to heal...leaving a scar to remind us,
Our psyche will change our perception...our expectations...our anticipations
Of people, situations and relationships...
As it heals by evolving,
Sometimes for the better,
Sometimes not...
Our psyche will change our perception...our expectations...our anticipations
Of people, situations and relationships...
As it heals by evolving,
Sometimes for the better,
Sometimes not...
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Am I being too Fussy?
Am I asking for too much?
Actually...in my opinion,
I truly want to believe that everyone eventually feels understood...
COMMUNICATE folks...
Get
It
Done!
It's also my belief that,
It is BETTER
to be Understanding
then being Understood...
Why?
Because, IF everyone took to this mentality...
Then
Eventually...
We
Would
Start to
Understand
Each Other...
Don't you think?
Nonetheless, I truly
Believe
In my Heart
That people who know me
Think that they get me...when in all actuality, I know that they don't
Do I feel lost because of it?
Not terribly...
Because if I relied on other people's opinions and direction...I would be further lost in this turbulent worldwind we call life...
So, to
Make
This
L
O
N
G
storyshort
...
Make an effort folks,
A selfless effort...
To understand your fellow neighbore...
Because, it's a dying shame not too...life is too freakin short, to think that you are a know it all.
May
Peace
Love
and
Understanding
find you all!
Actually...in my opinion,
I truly want to believe that everyone eventually feels understood...
COMMUNICATE folks...
Get
It
Done!
It's also my belief that,
It is BETTER
to be Understanding
then being Understood...
Why?
Because, IF everyone took to this mentality...
Then
Eventually...
We
Would
Start to
Understand
Each Other...
Don't you think?
Nonetheless, I truly
Believe
In my Heart
That people who know me
Think that they get me...when in all actuality, I know that they don't
Do I feel lost because of it?
Not terribly...
Because if I relied on other people's opinions and direction...I would be further lost in this turbulent worldwind we call life...
So, to
Make
This
L
O
N
G
storyshort
...
Make an effort folks,
A selfless effort...
To understand your fellow neighbore...
Because, it's a dying shame not too...life is too freakin short, to think that you are a know it all.
May
Peace
Love
and
Understanding
find you all!
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