Saturday, August 31, 2013
Can't, Want, Have....Desire
I wist to want a destined fate,
no closer...nor any further
than my most distant desire
I choose to walk this convoluted path
Of self-righteous self-destruction
Disillusioned by a never-ending
Ever so evasive ill advised outcome
One in which destiny has denied
and prudence has rejected
A
fight
worth
Fighting
A
war
worth
Winning
A disease with no cure, a darkness without light
My Vast void expands beyond my touch
Ever reaching, ever present....
Implicating
and
Stimulating
your actions, my actions
and All Reactions
I
N
T
E
R
W
I
N
D
In a world, neither of us can elude
w e l c o m e
To Our Destiny, to our fate
How to Survive Dysmorphic Disorder
Eleanor Longden: The Voices in My Head
One day in 2005, I stuck a .45 automatic pistol in mouth and pulled the trigger. I cocked the action and pulled it again. Each pull of the trigger gave me a little more suicidal comfort. A bullet in the chamber would be next. At 44 years old I was so disgusted with what I saw in the mirror that I was willing to end my life. I was lost in the dark abyss of body dysmorphic disorder.
The issues that took me to that dark place dated to my childhood the overweight, shy child who only wanted to be accepted. Instead, there was fat shaming and bullying in my life.
One day, while I was walking home with some kids I thought were my friends, they tore my pants off me and threw them into the street. I was “pantsed." They made fun of my fat exposed stomach and my hanging “man boobs,” telling me I needed to “get a bra.” I walked the mile home in my underwear with the sounds of their laughter and amusement at what they had done to me to be ingrained in my mind--forever.
Men Have Serious Body Image Issues, Too
In the wake of the most traumatic episode of my young life, for the first time I began to process how I saw myself in the mirror in a different manner. I saw a fat, ugly monster. This was the beginning of body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)--a chronic condition in which you cannot stop thinking about the flaws or perceived flaws on your body. It may surprise youto know that about 43 percent of men are affected by this condition.
No matter what changes I made to my body from then on, I would never see the real Brian. Beginning my freshman year in college I became anorexic. When that didn’t change the image in the mirror, I added bulimia to the mix. I would hide it from my roommates by turning on the shower and faucets in in the bathroom when I threw up a meal. When I went home to visit my family, the same routine of deception occurred.
I was alone with my body shame. Too afraid of judgment to tell anyone. Not my family. Not my roommates. Not my wives in three failed marriages. Failing because I was so ashamed of my reflectionthat I was unable to be intimate both physically and emotionally. I shut them out.
Men do not admit such things. Men do not talk about “feeling fat” or about hating our bodies. Gender stereotypes are powerful. Karen Carpenter's death from anorexia in 1983 spoke only to women. What could I tell them regardless? It had no name for me. “Bulimia” and “anorexia” would be unknown words to me until I was in my forties. They were just things I did every day like breathing. An integral part of my existence.
Alcohol, Drugs, Steroids, and a Suicide Attempt
Alcohol and drugs would also become part of my effort to change who I saw. Then came steroids. None of it made me feel better about myself, albeit a few brief moments of that cocaine high that I sought out again and again. Intense depression would follow in the realization that I was still that 11-year-old child in the mirror. Many years later would come the brush with suicide. Luckily a friend -- alert to my despair and whom I asked to bring me bullets, telling him I wanted to “go shooting” -- saved me with a call to my brothers, who showed up instead and took me to a psychiatric facility for a mental evaluation.
They say that your lowest moment in life can ultimately be your most triumphant if you survive it. I survived. Not long after that, while standing in the parking lot of that same psychiatric facility after two-day alcoholic blackout, I realized that I would either soon be dead or I would lose what I feared most, my family. A family’s love may be unconditional, but their desire to see you kill yourself is not. Distancing occurs.
A Lifetime Commitment to Recovery
With that realization, I took that first step. I got honest with everyone I had been lying to about my life, most importantly my family and my shrink. The next step was to get the behaviors under control that clouded my mind and warped my already distorted body dysmorphic judgment. I had to get the drug and alcohol issues dealt with. I walked into a 12-step meeting. That was April 8th, 2007. I never looked back. I have been sober, and free of drug and eating disorder behavior since. When my mind began to clear with sobriety, I began to address my childhood trauma with a lot of role-playing and talking to that bullied, shy 11-year-old little boy, working on forgiveness for the damage I had done to others and myself.
When I started dealing with the shame, healing began. Forgiveness occurred. Willingness to test my negative thoughts became routine. I began to actually live my life instead of existing day to day.
Am I cured? I don’t think there is a cure for BDD thoughts. There is only a “cure” for how I process them to positive thoughts. It’s an ongoing process. It may take me the rest of my life. That’s okay. I know now that the mirror does lie. I am just Brian - fat, thin, bald, and shy. There is no shame in any of that. There is no shame in admitting that as men we have those thoughts. The only shame is if we stay quiet about them. Let’s keep the conversation about BDD and body image going.
What beers do Cheaters Prefer?
According to a new survey, your husband's favorite beer may indicate whether or not he'll stay faithful. Yes, you read that right.
Illicit Encounters, a U.K.-based dating site for people looking to cheat, surveyed their members and found that Guinness is the beer preferred most by cheating men. Another international beer, Corona, was the second most popular. Click through the slideshow below to see what other drinks made the top five.
And although Illicit Encounters sought to find out the beer preferences of adulterous men, they also found that men engaging in affairs actually drink less than their monogamous counterparts. According to a recent blog post, the reason cheating men may drink less is because they are more health and weight conscious, or because they are afraid of the repercussions of getting too drunk.
This isn't the first time a dating website for cheaters has studied the specific tastes of the adulterous set. In July, Illicit Encounters determined that cheaters prefer to drive Audis. And Ashley Madison, a U.S.-based cheating website, found that cheating women prefer to shop at Banana Republic.
According to the study here are the top beers:
#5 Budweiser
#4 San Miguel
#3 Peroni Nastro Azzurr
#2 Corona Extra
#1 Guinness
Me, Personally....I Love My Belgium Ales
P.s.
Try a shot of Cafe Patron in with a pint of Guinness....
My recipe, enjoy!
Friday, August 30, 2013
Test to see where you score
Introvert vs Extrovert
http://lonerwolf.com/introvert-or-extrovert-test/
Here is an article on what it means to be an Introvert
http://www.illumemagazine.com/zine/articleDetail.php?5-Famous-Introverts-and-What-it-Means-to-Be-an-Introvert-14420
I score as an Introvert with a handful of ambivert functions
(As per my adaption to working in an Extroverts setting)
Otherwise, I would gladly live on a quiet tropical island...somewhere far from
NY....
Writing, philosophizing, reading and wine sampling...thank you very much!
And if you are around, stop on in and say hello....I don't bite, I'm just an introvert.
Misunderstood,
but I am ok with an extroverts miscalculation.
It's not often they get to meet a true and through introvert.
Introvert vs Extrovert
http://lonerwolf.com/introvert-or-extrovert-test/
Here is an article on what it means to be an Introvert
http://www.illumemagazine.com/zine/articleDetail.php?5-Famous-Introverts-and-What-it-Means-to-Be-an-Introvert-14420
I score as an Introvert with a handful of ambivert functions
(As per my adaption to working in an Extroverts setting)
Otherwise, I would gladly live on a quiet tropical island...somewhere far from
NY....
Writing, philosophizing, reading and wine sampling...thank you very much!
And if you are around, stop on in and say hello....I don't bite, I'm just an introvert.
Misunderstood,
but I am ok with an extroverts miscalculation.
It's not often they get to meet a true and through introvert.
Famous Introverts
1. KEANU REEVES
Believe it or not, Time magazine dubbed Keanu Reeves as "Hollywood's Biggest Introvert" in 2005, which is why he is #1 on this list of famous introverts. Despite being one of the biggest names in Hollywood, Keanu is one of the only stars to not own a mansion, not wear fancy clothes, and not have a bodyguard. In fact, for one of his birthdays, Keanu bought himself a cake at a bake shop, started eating it alone, and would offer a piece to fans that came up to him. This is why the nickname "sad Keanu" started, when in fact Keanu isn't constantly sad, he just likes to do things alone.
2. AUDREY HEPBURN
Even after her death in 1993, Audrey Hepburn continues to be an amazing role model to women everywhere. She has even been quoted in saying, “I'm an introvert...I love being by myself, love being outdoors, love taking a long walk with my dogs and looking at the trees, flowers, the sky.” She was a beautiful and amazing actress who embraced the fact that she was happy being alone sometimes. She is a great woman to look up to, especially nowadays with certain celebrities getting DUIs, fighting in bars, and stealing. (Sadly it sounds like I'm only describing Lindsay Lohan!)
3. J.K. ROWLING
I feel like most successful writers need to be strong introverts as most of your time needs to be spent, alone, in front of a computer or notebook. So it's no wonder that J.K. Rowling is a self-proclaimed introvert! She was able to become so in-tune with her thoughts and ideas that she created an entire wizarding world for everyone to enjoy! Because of this, being a writer is actually a great way for introverts to capitalize on their inner strengths as they tend to express themselves better in writing than speaking.
4. ALBERT EINSTEIN
Score a big point for introverts as they have one of the smartest men ever falling into their category! When it came to being "passionately curious" while also finding a perfect balance between love of solitude and humanity, Albert Einstein was the master. Einstein once said, "When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than any talent for abstract, positive thinking." By this he meant that introverts (like himself) tend to be deep thinkers and can come up with surprising connections between seemingly unrelated things. This is why people in the field of science do well having traits of an introvert.
5. JOHNNY DEPP
Even though he is one of Hollywood's biggest heartthrobs, you won't see much of Johnny Depp in those celebrity gossip magazines we love to read. Johnny Depp comes off extremely shy in his interviews and in his actual life he tends to shy away from the spotlight, which is why he moved to France. I even read somewhere that he never even went to any parties during his teens and 20s! I feel like being more of an introvert helps Depp to really portray his characters in a way many other actors can't do. He is more in tune with feelings and thoughts and can put himself right in this other character's world easier than most.
List is comprised by AllWomenStalk.com
Myths on Introvert
10 Myths About Introverts (As a graphic designer, a list I can really get behind…)
Due to the insane amount of traffic from this article, I thought I’d address a pertinent question:
1. I did not write these, they are linked / reblogged from the links above each section below. Please try and credit the original sources as well.
Definition of introverts via Wikipedia:
Introverts are people whose energy tends to expand through reflection and dwindle during interaction. They often take pleasure in solitary activities such as reading, writing, music, drawing, tinkering, playing video games, watching movies and plays, and using computers. The archetypal artist, writer, sculptor, engineer, composer, and inventor are all highly introverted. An introvert is likely to enjoy time spent alone and find less reward in time spent with large groups of people. They prefer to concentrate on a single activity at a time and like to observe situations before they participate. Introverts are easily overwhelmed by too much stimulation from social gatherings and engagement. They are more analytical before speaking.
Introversion is not the same as being shy or being a social outcast. Introverts prefer solitary activities over social ones, whereas shy people (who may be extroverts at heart) avoid social encounters out of fear, and the social outcast has little choice in the matter of his or her solitude.
Great list of myths about introverts via Carl King Creative:
Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.
Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.
Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.
Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.
Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.
Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.
Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.
Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.
Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.
Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.
Article by Eli Bishop
Due to the insane amount of traffic from this article, I thought I’d address a pertinent question:
1. I did not write these, they are linked / reblogged from the links above each section below. Please try and credit the original sources as well.
Definition of introverts via Wikipedia:
Introverts are people whose energy tends to expand through reflection and dwindle during interaction. They often take pleasure in solitary activities such as reading, writing, music, drawing, tinkering, playing video games, watching movies and plays, and using computers. The archetypal artist, writer, sculptor, engineer, composer, and inventor are all highly introverted. An introvert is likely to enjoy time spent alone and find less reward in time spent with large groups of people. They prefer to concentrate on a single activity at a time and like to observe situations before they participate. Introverts are easily overwhelmed by too much stimulation from social gatherings and engagement. They are more analytical before speaking.
Introversion is not the same as being shy or being a social outcast. Introverts prefer solitary activities over social ones, whereas shy people (who may be extroverts at heart) avoid social encounters out of fear, and the social outcast has little choice in the matter of his or her solitude.
Great list of myths about introverts via Carl King Creative:
Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.
Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.
Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.
Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.
Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.
Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.
Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.
Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.
Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.
Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.
Article by Eli Bishop
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
I, Promise
I still remember that morning....one in which showed the end of winter was near.
It was cold and crisp, yet sunny and bright...the time was just before eight.
She stood there, in front of me...with her back turned.
She was tall with thick, dark brown hair...a subtle curl decorated the end of her ponytail.
Her legs looked athletic....she stood there, with her right leg crossed behind her left.
Oh, my...who's this Angel...
My mind began to dream....
Of what ifs...
As I walked around her,
You could not help but notice her full lips and charming innocent smile.
Big, brown eyes that just sparkled with glee...
My dream, my Angel....call her Katherine.
In due time,
When her gaze became affixed on me....I shared my graceful smile,
I could see her lonely shy soul perk with energy...
Slowly from her shadows, came a classy woman...who just oozed with intrigue...as to who was this Golden Greek.
I tease her with my eyes....
She can't look away
I tease her with my smile...
She turns beet red and giggles
Her body language leaps, her guarded awkward inner self retreats....
Come Out and play, my tone speaks...
Thank god she can't read my mind, understand my thoughts....
She's protected from me, and rightly so
But, for how long will our first dance last?
Honor Me an Encore? A final kiss goodnight?
Let me infiltrate you soul...
allow me into your world....
be my victim
Surrender to me....
Do Animals Have Conscious Awareness?
286,900g
354L
Prominent scientists sign declaration that animals have conscious awareness, just like us
An international group of prominent scientists has signed The Cambridge Declaration on Consciousness in which they are proclaiming their support for the idea that animals are conscious and aware to the degree that humans are — a list of animals that includes all mammals, birds, and even the octopus. But will this make us stop treating these animals in totally inhumane ways?
While it might not sound like much for scientists to declare that many nonhuman animals possess conscious states, it's the open acknowledgement that's the big news here. The body of scientific evidence is increasingly showing that most animals are conscious in the same way that we are, and it's no longer something we can ignore.
What's also very interesting about the declaration is the group's acknowledgement that consciousness can emerge in those animals that are very much unlike humans, including those that evolved along different evolutionary tracks, namely birds and some cephalopods.
"The absence of a neocortex does not appear to preclude an organism from experiencing affective states," they write, "Convergent evidence indicates that non-human animals have the neuroanatomical, neurochemical, and neurophysiological substrates of conscious states along with the capacity to exhibit intentional behaviors."
Consequently, say the signatories, the scientific evidence is increasingly indicating that humans are not unique in possessing the neurological substrates that generate consciousness.
The group consists of cognitive scientists, neuropharmacologists, neurophysiologists, neuroanatomists, and computational neuroscientists — all of whom were attending theFrancis Crick Memorial Conference on Consciousness in Human and Non-Human Animals. The declaration was signed in the presence of Stephen Hawking, and included such signatories as Christof Koch, David Edelman, Edward Boyden, Philip Low, Irene Pepperberg, and many more.
The declaration made the following observations:
- The field of Consciousness research is rapidly evolving. Abundant new techniques and strategies for human and non-human animal research have been developed. Consequently, more data is becoming readily available, and this calls for a periodic reevaluation of previously held preconceptions in this field. Studies of non-human animals have shown that homologous brain circuits correlated with conscious experience and perception can be selectively facilitated and disrupted to assess whether they are in fact necessary for those experiences. Moreover, in humans, new non-invasive techniques are readily available to survey the correlates of consciousness.
- The neural substrates of emotions do not appear to be confined to cortical structures. In fact, subcortical neural networks aroused during affective states in humans are also critically important for generating emotional behaviors in animals. Artificial arousal of the same brain regions generates corresponding behavior and feeling states in both humans and non-human animals. Wherever in the brain one evokes instinctual emotional behaviors in non-human animals, many of the ensuing behaviors are consistent with experienced feeling states, including those internal states that are rewarding and punishing. Deep brain stimulation of these systems in humans can also generate similar affective states. Systems associated with affect are concentrated in subcortical regions where neural homologies abound. Young human and nonhuman animals without neocortices retain these brain-mind functions. Furthermore, neural circuits supporting behavioral/electrophysiological states of attentiveness, sleep and decision making appear to have arisen in evolution as early as the invertebrate radiation, being evident in insects and cephalopod mollusks (e.g., octopus).
- Birds appear to offer, in their behavior, neurophysiology, and neuroanatomy a striking case of parallel evolution of consciousness. Evidence of near human-like levels of consciousness has been most dramatically observed in African grey parrots. Mammalian and avian emotional networks and cognitive microcircuitries appear to be far more homologous than previously thought. Moreover, certain species of birds have been found to exhibit neural sleep patterns similar to those of mammals, including REM sleep and, as was demonstrated in zebra finches, neurophysiological patterns, previously thought to require a mammalian neocortex. Magpies in articular have been shown to exhibit striking similarities to humans, great apes, dolphins, and elephants in studies of mirror self-recognition.
- In humans, the effect of certain hallucinogens appears to be associated with a disruption in cortical feedforward and feedback processing. Pharmacological interventions in non-human animals with compounds known to affect conscious behavior in humans can lead to similar perturbations in behavior in non-human animals. In humans, there is evidence to suggest that awareness is correlated with cortical activity, which does not exclude possible contributions by subcortical or early cortical processing, as in visual awareness. Evidence that human and nonhuman animal emotional feelings arise from homologous subcortical brain networks provide compelling evidence for evolutionarily shared primal affective qualia.
H/t to Katherine Harmon of SciAM. Image via Vittorio Bruno/Shutterstock.com Inset image of elephant passing the mirror test via. Inset image of Irene Pepperberg and Alex via.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Marriage Pitfalls
In marriage it's common sense advice to treat one another with respect and share love. But some are not so sure what that looks like on a day to day basis. That's where things get a little trickier. Check out this list of marriage "don'ts" to make sure you're on the right track to a lasting, loving relationship.
For A Healthy Marriage, Don't...
1. Close the door to communication
How can you expect anything to be resolved without clear communication? Take the time to deeply listen to your significant other before responding. We often want to dive into an argument quickly and come from a place of reactivity and fear. Be very mindful of your intention before you speak. Ask yourself, is this for the interest to promote sharing and harmony or is this a need to be right or to control. Look underneath the words to the heart of the matter: often the visible disagreement is only the end result of a much deeper issue. Doing this will set the stage for a much quicker and cleaner resolution.
2. Assume it's your partner's job to make you happy
Putting the heavy responsibility on another human being to make you happy all the time is unrealistic and unfair. Tune into yourself and really know yourself. Love yourself. Meditate, journal, eat well and set out with the intention of discovering yourself. When you know and love yourself from the inside out, you are much better able to deal with life's curveballs with ease and grace — and much less frustration and anger.
3. Withhold intimacy
It's guaranteed that every couple will experience disagreements and hurt feelings. During these bumps in the road, it is essential to keep the usual intimacy going. For some, a single heartfelt touch is worth a thousand words and its weight in gold. To express love in this manner really demonstrates to the other that unconditional love exists. That's important to a relationship: you should support and care for one another even through arguments.
4. Hinder your partner's growth
All life moves in cycles, and as human beings we are no different. As in nature, if you are not growing, you are dying. We constantly have new experiences and this brings the possibility of changes. When your partner changes and grows, it can feel threatening. But trust that they are moving forward in a way that is healthy and important. You would want them to support you in the same way. Are you in a partnership or are you a jailkeeper?
5. Forget to make time for each other
If you are not actively carving out time to spend with each other, your relationship really has a poor chance of survival. We are social beings and naturally want to spend and share time with our chosen partner. But as other responsibilities, like work, friends, family and personal time sneak in, our partners often get taken for granted and take a backseat. This situation often evolves into a "two ships passing in the night" and "we just grew apart" scenario.
Marriages can be challenging, and making sure you're steering clear of these damaging "don'ts" do take some effort. But the payoff is worth it: you'll be nurturing a healthy relationship that both of you will find extremely enriching and supportive for years to come.
Article by Anita Yok Sim from YourTango.com
Doubt has hate....
She says that she's the Other Woman
I loom in the shadows, unprovoked by The Sun...or her light
Lifelessly still, drawn deep within a vortex of doubt, concern and disbelief
Waiting for an undelivered fate of a promise owed
Dangling between lines of the savage and tame
It's a game I know all to well
...
My sweat, drip by drip...drowns my hopes
my dreams,
My Aspirations
In a convoluted abyss of immoral chaos and disillusioned outcomes
I fancy a Vision
Where the truth is blurred by fantasy....
Desire dances with Ambition
and Beauty fades into that golden hue of honey...
(Reminiscent of my past...Indicative of my direction)
Gracing my path, my destiny and my destination
My fated karma will bring Me to where I always knew
Regardless of those that doubt or chastise...
I ask, I ask you...
Do you still doubt?
Played by a hand fortune has dealt,
It's this circumstance, unadulterated in any way
shape
or
Form
From my end
Welcome to my truth, even if I first spoke of it
Many, moons...ago
I loom in the shadows, unprovoked by The Sun...or her light
Lifelessly still, drawn deep within a vortex of doubt, concern and disbelief
Waiting for an undelivered fate of a promise owed
Dangling between lines of the savage and tame
It's a game I know all to well
...
My sweat, drip by drip...drowns my hopes
my dreams,
My Aspirations
In a convoluted abyss of immoral chaos and disillusioned outcomes
I fancy a Vision
Where the truth is blurred by fantasy....
Desire dances with Ambition
and Beauty fades into that golden hue of honey...
(Reminiscent of my past...Indicative of my direction)
Gracing my path, my destiny and my destination
My fated karma will bring Me to where I always knew
Regardless of those that doubt or chastise...
I ask, I ask you...
Do you still doubt?
Played by a hand fortune has dealt,
It's this circumstance, unadulterated in any way
shape
or
Form
From my end
Welcome to my truth, even if I first spoke of it
Many, moons...ago
Online Dating
Online Dating:
You CAN'T Handle 'The Truth'
On August 13, 2013, I published an article I wrote called, 'Date Me If You Dare'. I wrote the article as an experiment; my intention was to speak bold truths about myself and place them in such a way that, were I to be looking for a date, this would be my truthful version of an online dating profile, à la eHarmony, or Match.com. I'd seen the profiles of others before and just about all of them seemed to either be missing huge chunks of information, or they came across as fairytale fabrications that might lead one to think the person in question is someone they're not.
It was a top story and featured a quote of mine on the front page. My article was placed in a prominent position and received a lot of attention. But, as it goes with just about every single piece of published work that hits an Internet audience, the reactions always weigh in to the negative. Always. Unless you're writing about kittens, a writer these days can bank on the fact that no matter what they write about, the public will tear it to shreds simply because they can.
Just to recap, my pseudo online dating profile spoke of both my good qualities and my less than desirable traits. I mentioned that even though I am a very loving person, sex is not my ultimate goal (as it is with some), how I could use some financial assistance (as in dinner) and how I was cursed with an inability to cook. I also put up a recent and realistic photo of myself at the end.
I decided to take advantage of my access to millions of people, via my friends at The Huffington Post. I was sincerely curious as to whether someone could find me appealing enough to date -- if I came clean and represented myself as I really am. The results were disastrous, as the majority of readers found my honesty worthy of their scorn.
But as a dear friend of mine said, "There is no failure here. You make people think, whether they react positively or negatively. Your job here is done." He was so right; my job here is done. Another close friend asked me, "What did you learn from this experience?" I learned that not only are people afraid of the truth, they prefer pretty little lies any day. Simply, they cannot handle the truth.
When I expressed that my experiment looked like a huge fiasco to me, one woman suggested that perhaps I might have done things a different way, in other words, it might have been more of a "success" had I created a more attractive profile by not being so... truthful about myself. Well, that was the entire point; I wanted to be completely me, because, if I were serious about trying to find a date through online means, I would only be interested in someone who would find me attractive for who I am, not for who I'm not. Not Dori the "maid in the living room, the cook in the kitchen and the whore in the bedroom." That old quote is attributed to what a woman must be in order to keep a man. And by the looks of the reaction I got to my article -- where I expressly admit I'm not a good cook, nor do I care that much about round the clock whorish sex (I am tidy in the living room, I must admit to that...), apparently both men and women felt it was best to take me to task, condemn me and basically make me feel ridiculous for even bothering.
To which I say, people... go back to your world of lies. Go pretend you've got the better way. Go retreat into your perfect palaces of pretense where you can tell yourselves that women like me don't exist, or that one could do so much better. We do exist; not every woman on earth feels she needs to be a sex slave and a cook, and as an artist who makes a living solely through selling creative works, yeah, I could use a hand with money every once in a while. At least I admit it.
I am who I am. If you're so offended by the fact that I can't cook, then don't eat my food. If all you can see in all I've written is that I want a man to pay for my dinner and that I can't expect to have that dinner without paying for it with sex, then please -- take your ancient mentality and use it again and again in comment boxes so that for that half a second when the spotlight is on you, you can make sure you come across as hateful and jealous. I'm the one with the esteemed position of being able to write for an audience of thousands, you're the one with the anonymous username and the moderated comment. Go you.
I'm not saying that my list of credentials makes me a good person, but it certainly does make me an interesting one. Between my starting the Rocky Horror Picture Show cult in 1977, starring with Christopher Walken on stage at the Public Theater in 1984, touring the country while promoting my CD, Blue Djinn (which has seen consistent sales since 1996), graduating with two degrees in arts and science, surviving breast cancer and becoming an activist on the subject, living as a single mother who adores her child to pieces, writing a novel, working every single day as an essayist, an editor and a painter, not to mention that I'm the best friend anyone could ever ask for -- if all you can see in me is my less-than-rabid sex drive and my inability to impress Gordon Ramsay, then all I can say is thank you for sparing me you.
So, do your worst. Rise to the top of your stinking heap and bellow out your slimiest insults. At the end of the day, you can snuggle up with your lies and your fears and feel really, really good about yourselves for not being an "asexual, gold-digging bad cook."
Above all, I want to thank the kind people behind the scenes, with real names and real stories, who supported my efforts and cheered me on -- none of which took place in tiny little boxes awaiting moderation.
Article by Blogger Dori Hartley (Author of 'Angels and Echoes')
Monday, August 26, 2013
Virginia's Diary
Once upon a time I was young, horny girl in high school who had never kissed a boy much less had sex but had somehow developed a keen interest in erotica. Like good Anaïs Nin, Marquis de Sade and The Story of O erotica. The Story of O in particular has been a favorite book of mine for years and even though I loved it (you think Fifty Shades of Grey is good? Read this) I had never thought that role play, BDSM, etc was something I could do. Until now.
I’ll spare you the details of how I actually met this guy, we’ll call him Wicked Hipster, because to be honest it’s kind of boring. We were out, it was late, he was staying at a posh hotel I’d been dying to see and I thought, sure, it’s Saturday, I’ll come over. Now, I was on my period at the time and while I’ve never had a problem with period sex, I’ve also never tried to hook up with a new guy while the Crimson Tide was in town. I was a little worried about what he would expect, but after my dreamy cuddle-love-fest with Crazy Jacket I decided to risk it. You can’t always tell with guys.
When we got up to his barren but expertly decorated drab grey room, we immediately started making out. Rolling around on the immaculately made bed, I could feel his hands creeping around the hem of my much abridged polka dot dress. And I started to laugh. Uncontrollably. He politely ignored me for a few minutes before finally saying,
“You know what? I can’t take the laughing. I think I’m just gonna go to sleep.”
Oh, damn. Why was it so hard to just tell this guy I was on my period? After putting my discarded boots back on, I leaned over and kissed him. It should have been a goodbye kiss, but somehow it wasn’t. This guy was a great kisser, and sucker that I am for making out, I thought I could milk the situation for at least a few more minutes. I climbed on top of him and pinned him down. Maybe a little harder than I meant to.
A few minutes later, he was on top of me, at turns pinning me to the bed and at turns pulling my hair. It was awesome. I felt weirdly helpless and at the same time powerful, like some vicious caged animal. I reared up to bite his chest. And then the dirty talk started.
Let’s press pause for a moment. Can we all agree that dirty talk is inherently pretty stupid? It just never seemed like any kind of turn on, if anything it seemed annoying. I’d learned from Rock God that I could do it pretty well in text form, and now I had the opportunity to act it out. Wicked Hipster snarled in my ear how I liked it rough, etc it was pretty banal. I breathily moaned “yes” here and there to keep pace but he wasn’t really giving me anything to work with. Until he went on a tangent about how I was such a bad little girl to which I smartly (?) responded,
“Yes, I need to be punished.”
As soon as the words left my mouth, he flipped me on my stomach pulled up my dress and started spanking me. Hard. At first I was a little shocked and put off. The last time I had been really spanked was eons ago and had something to do with me stealing one of my sister’s Barbies and lying about it. As the ass pummeling continued though, I started to really enjoy it, the hot sting followed by the cool air — it was too good.
Suddenly it stopped. A little disoriented, I managed to get up on my hands and knees but before I could lift my head to see where Wicked Hipster had gone to, I noticed a nice hard dick shooting through my wall of tangled hair. Well, hello there.
To be honest, I really enjoy blow jobs. Like a lot. I have since high school, and I was excited to finally have an opportunity to suck a cock that (hopefully!) wouldn’t go soft. It was heaven; my creativity or talent hadn’t faded at all and I sucked Wicked Hipster’s cock for all it was worth. He came hard. I swallowed it right up. After, he sheepishly offered me a towel, but I turned him down saying,
“I don’t need it. I never miss a drop.”
Then something funny happened. Gone was the powerful, domineering man of just a few minutes earlier and in his place was a sweet, nice dude who seemed a bit in shock.
“I’m usually such a square with sex, I don’t know how that just happened. You’re a total lioness. Have you always been like this?”
I told him no, but in my heart I knew I had. As I walked home at four o’clock in the morning I felt drunk with power and lust. Why had I not always been doing this? I was so naturally good at it, why had I wanted to lock myself in one particularly unhealthy relationship after another?
As I admired my scars and bruises in the mirror when I got home, I realized there wasn’t really any point dwelling on the past. Whatever I had been, I no longer was. Something changed that night. I became the man-eating vixen I had always secretly wanted to be.
Here comes trouble!
Are you Ready?
Article by Virginia Plain, which is the pseudonym of a twenty-something woman (online writer) living in New York who just ended a four year relationship.
It's not just looks....
There is no denying that looks are what usually first attracts us to a woman, but most guys who have been around the block also know that how hot a woman appears to be on the surface has very little to do will how good the sex will actually be.
However, there is a lot that we can tell about how sexy a woman really is, if we pay attention to certain things. Here are 9 examples:
1. Your Walk
Oh man. A brisk, confident, heel-clicking strut? A slow, hip-swinging mosey? Would it be creepy if I just walked behind you for awhile? (I know. It would. That’s the definition of creepy.)
2. Your Voice
Whether it’s smokey/scratchy, airy or, I’ll say it, slightly lisp-y, the way you talk can be a major turn-on.
3. Your Sharp Wit
Just watch any classic screwball comedy — verbal sparring is the ultimate foreplay.
4. The Way You Dance
This one’s pretty obvious right? The way you move is the way you move.
5. Your Adventurous Spirit
And being up for anything kind of implies that you might be up for anything. On the other hand…
6. Your Shyness
If the bedroom is the only place that you really let yourself go crazy, it’s kind of twice as hot.
7. Your Laugh
I think the laugh was the first thing I ever found sexy. Before I knew what sexy was, I remember hearing Kathleen Turner’s laugh (I was probably 7) and feeling something… different.
8. The Way You Smell
I’m not talking about what perfume you wear. I’m talking about the way you smell. I’m talking about burying my face between your neck and shoulder, inhaling and losing all capacity for rational thought.
9. Your Ability to Communicate
Nobody’s going to believe me on this one, but it’s one hundred percent true. Even the hottest, easiest sexual relationship is eventually going to run into a snag somewhere. A woman who can express complex feelings clearly and confidently is a woman who’s going to be able to keep the sex interesting and fulfilling when the initial shine wears off.
Article by Scott Alden
Gratitude Favors Attention
According to AskMen......
(Because We All KNOW what experts Men 'can' be)
there are ways to tell
if she’s faking 'IT'
(Oh My)
....
(Shutter)
But,
that’s Only if you are able to recognize the real thing.
So....
What is the real thing....
An increase in the pace of her breathing
An increase in body temperature and heart rate
A high state of tension in her muscles (hypertonicity)
A tightening of the abdominal muscles
A throbbing of her PC muscles and a general “bearing down” on the pelvic area
she might be a phony bologna.
Basically, if she's cool and focused enough to answer correctly the final jeopardy question....something might be amiss.
Then,
What
Huh?
Not me.
I know!
Sure you do!?
So, what do you do?
Bakers preheat ovens
Architects draw out plans
(Attention to detail!)
Lawyers go see judges, again and again...and again....
Pay attention, and arrive at the airport after the plane lands!
This isn't a race to get first on line,
Oh No!
NO!
It's more like a dance, a Tango....
Smooth, in sync...and with Grace....
Often, ones effort seems rewarded.
Choose your fate wisely.
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