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Unconscious Radar

The 1st QUESTION:  when was your first influential relationship...and with whom did this powerful emotional connection occur with?

Naturally it is our relationship with our parents...one that is abundant with love and anxiety...this connection is the foundation in which we build all of our subsequent relationships

Anxiety: an abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear, an apprehensive uneasiness of mind usually over an impending or anticipated ill...often marked by physiological signs of doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one's capacity to cope with it.

Separation Anxiety: a form of anxiety experienced usually by a young child and caused by separation from a significant nurturant figure and typically a parent or from familiar surrounding.
 

    The lonesome FEAR of solitude feeds our anxious drive to seek companionship, at times inadvertently (or unconsciously) driving us into patterns that may be less then ideal.

Chronic pattern of dysfunctional relationships revolves around an individual who consistently chooses partners that share similar negative traits, in essence creating a destructive atmosphere.  Due to repetitive dynamics the outcome is as predicted, destructive.

WHY?

Is it FEAR of intimacy?  Good chance of that.  Fear of the opposite gender?  If you fear them, how can you relate intimately to them..?.?.This makes it easier to defend ourselves from true intimacy by creating walls around our "hearts"...an effective way to create distance.  Option two is selecting partners incapable of intimacy...Ultimately sabotaging a relationship (instinct=unconscious).

The deeper you allow someone to connect with you, the more vulnerable we become to being hurt...this may be why we create a barrier of defenses.

"Repetitive compulsion" is Freud's explanation of how people attempt to rectify the troubled relationship someone may have experienced with their parent.  A relationship so sensitive, that it is infested with feelings of disappointment, abandonment, rejection, frustration, neglect (and in extreme cases...abuse).  This atmosphere harbors emotions of anger and depression, and a child will ultimately blame themselves for any perceived imperfections.  The child will then attempt to build a personality conducive to the parent's appeals...all in order to will what all children NEED...unconditional love.

The true gravity of this situation actually exists within the parents limited ability (situational or psychological) to provide the necessary attention a child deserves to flourish.  Remember, no one is perfect, even our parents.  By recreating this relationship we might be giving ourselves one more opportunity to rectify a past wrong...well that is what this guy Freud thought, he thought up a lot of interesting scenarios.  If we can get that inner strength to forgive...that might be the binding element that breaks that connection to our past hurts, no longer making this an unconscious campaign to remedy agonizing past anguish.

Is it possible to fear that we will never find our true love?  How about a fear of nonreciprocating love.

An interesting aside,

i attended a Halloween party last night, costume optional.  I am invited out to another party tonight, costume strongly recommended (never to be DEMANDED!  I refuse to be forced to do something...free will is a must for all).  What is interesting to me, are the selections that people make...why do they choose to wear what they do?  What does that say about them?  What are they expressing?

Agree to Disagree

     For all that i have seen, the One 1 critical element (absolutely necessary) in order to successfully mend a Fractured X relationship is the willing participation of BOTH parties...colluding...on a tonic for answers and solutions.  Relationship challenges (typically) arise from problems generated by one individual and experienced by their counterpart...hence making this an issue of 2.  Therefore, since two people are involved on this issue at hand...it takes effort by both to rectify their conundrum.  If one refuses to address the problem(s), then the problem gets ignored and/or grows.
RESOLUTION is necessary for progress...
People who refuse to make an effort in reforming their relationship, merely (to me at least) reflects a lack of interest in respecting their partners and their connection to each other.  Before you know it, the smallest amount of inconvenience becomes a MAJOR source of tension.  Again, back to resolution...just work together...both parties need to commit...COMMIT to resolve...do you understand what that means?  Once you start that commitment, follow it to the end.  Start stop attempts do just that...start and then stop...right BACK to the beginning.  Back to the old...did anything change?  At all?  In order to succeed, lay the foundation for the necessary components of the commitment...this means allocated time and thought out effort...and then stick to the plan!
 When building bridges, one must compromise and almost concede on certain issues in order to triumph...again, how committed are you on resolving (there's that darn word again) your relationship discrepancies.  Just about any tumultuous situation, in any given relationship can be addressed for the better...only if there are two willing parties!

Hey
 I hate coffee but i will meet you for a cup
Starbucks cappuccino latte?

Love doesn't wait and it won't ask for anything

STAGNANT: 

                                                      not growing or changing; without force or vitality.  Lacking freshness, motion, flow, progress, or change; stale; motionless; still

P.S.  Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but rather learning how to dance in the rain

Relationships are shared experiences that create bonds...relationships NEVER grow on their own, but rather a result of the energy between individuals that nurture that growth  

*(never take your partner for granted)

Learn to identify, express, and explain your emotions for the betterment of the relationship; if you don't you will harbor an environment of resentment, repression of emotions, hurt feelings, and loss of communication that will ultimately snowball into a vicious cycle of discord widening any preexisting rift.

How effective is your line of communication?

  

Just as an aside--->love is an attitude NOT an action

you give rather than receive

you share not hoard

let go vs hold on

believe not doubt

FEEL not think

forgive as opposed to grieve (or blame) 

How?

Trust, acceptance, unconditional, listen, fun,compromise, validate, surprise, intimacy (physical and verbal), revisit/reconnect, and don't forget to be yourself!

Its not about who is right, but rather the resolve between the two of you to make the relationship right 

HonesT ExpressioN true to the Heart

    Over the last ei8ht weeks, i have patronized more bars then i have the previous eight years...lets call that "research".  Granted the dominating purpose was to reconnect with old friends, as well as, meet new acquaintances...success on both accounts.  There are plenty of reasons as to why i never frequented those sort of establishments in the past.  Lets start with-->  

Unsavory/sleazy characters, potentially unkempt situations, muddled and disheveled infestations of ill deeds, decrepit health ....grungy, nasty, filth induced states (did i cover everything that could go wrong?)...someones mother once told me that nothing good ever happens past midnight.

Nonetheless, i have succumb to my own inhibitions on that matter all in the good name of "research"...

     As i sit on these bar stools, elbow to elbow with drunk obnoxiousness...i can't help but wonder where is this road leading people down and why?  One by one i can see all these women beautiful (in their own right) floating amongst a sea of testosterone (at least the smarter ones are wearing life jacket).  Lets call it what it really is...people are fishing.  Some people that fish are excellent at casting a line, others are patient enough to wait out periods of drought, some get lucky and cast at the "right" spot...and the top flight fisherman/woman can real anything in.  All of this is Simply Stated within a complex vortex of chaotic action...

   Where am i going with this?  Watching how nice all the women look, you can tell that most (if not all) have taken their due diligence in assembling their attire for the evening...they all look magnanimous...i am an observant fellow but i doubt that i am the only one noticing.

This fault occurred decades ago...when little girls were raised to be darling and delightful...taught to catch your eye.  As women, they become alluring, attractive charming and enchanting, gracious and exhilarating (you get the point).  A woman will shop at four, five, six stores (if need be more), to find the perfect pair of shoes that go with that knockout sleek dress (how CHIC)...who cares if the shoes are uncomfortable and hurt like hell?right?  As long as she looks the role, and that role is hot!  How fair is that...some jack down the bar spent less then four minutes showering, two minutes to dress (i think that the sox are mismatched), slapped on some cheap cologne...out the door.His beer belly juts out just enough to notice...it truly is a shame that we live in such a judgmentally based hypocritical society.  Maybe people should hold themselves accountable to a higher standard of social incorporation with their peers.  This is not to blame nor shame,but rather alert the consciousness to state of existence that can truly make one happy...rather then torture yourself in those sharp shoes...expression can occur in more ways then just by visual means (after all we have at least four more senses)!

-inspired by poetess Kate Makkai pretty (loud little words)

Why is it  
                 that we insist on
                              Having
                                      the Beauty of Youth
                                                         but....
NOT at the cost of
                                                            the WISDOM that comes with age?

Question:  What is cited as the most frequent cause for ending a romantic relationship?
...
answer:  Jealousy - just ask author Roger Hock

You see what i see?  Jealousy is an emotion...its typically joined at the hip with negativity.  Jealous thoughts and emotions signal insecurities, anxiety, and fear over an anticipated loss of a valued commodity...aka your relationship.  The heart by which breathes jealousy often thrives from anger, sadness, and disgust (separate from envy)...with envy comes admiration...Lets complicate this just a little bit more because jealousy is not a singular emotion/behavior but an expression of diverse emotions and behaviors.
Its an aversive juggernaut resulting in activity conceptualized from emotions, thoughts and deeds, in response to ultimate threats to ones self esteem, quality, or existence...spawned through a perception of real or potential attraction between your partner and a rival.
You can almost argue that its a protective reaction to a perceived threat to a relationship?  Emanating by the threat of separation?  Loss can and is painful.
I was curious as to where i stood, so i took an online test...I scored an 1eleven1 out of ONE100HUNDRED.  So what does that mean?
Assuming that i honestly answered the questions, which i would like to think that i did...and the test told me.?.?.Well???I would tell you, but that is my secret...
What can you say about yourself on this matter...your relationship can hinge on it

Tenacious Virtuosity

     The OLD E R  i get, the more i realize...(which is something that i have always have known but seemed to ignore)...for the most part the people in our society today have this sense of karmic entitlement.  Life is a series of trials intended to test our resolve, perseverance/resiliency, composure, courage, adaptability, and mettle.  We are all recipients...every single one of us.  The ones that stand strong are the ones that become distinguished within this societal circle.
Who needs to work towards a goal...when it should be given to you?
yes!?
When something goes wrong, do you question why you?  OR Do you adjust and endure the obstacles of life...
Can a challenge improve your level of integrity and righteousness?
This principle defines much about personal character

?

Why is it that                                                                                             II
                  Our Minds Build Walls                                                               II
                                       Creating Limits...Boundaries                               II
                                                              Refusing to challenge ourselves       II
We must learn to break through these self opposed obstacles          II

P. s.

If only we lived in a good Samaritan society

One in which:

                      If you see some?one fall...you would take a moment to stop and help them back uP...make sure they get back on our path...

That's just one of my wishes

-----D.K.

aka Captain Patrick Benson

Final Voyage

     Opus 1one, the holy grail of American wine, forever in the new world oenological folklore.  Repeatedly  challenging the throes of the domineering French palateers.  Easiest way to describe it...its the fur coat of  outer garments.  Opus has been on my radar for the better part of this decade, never had the company, festivity, nor opportunity to enjoy a sample...until this past Wednesday...
My week had its unexpected/expected personal family tragedy complicating any sort of planning for outings and activities, nonetheless with a little chance and luck...maybe! just maybe my lips maybe be blessed with a love from our wine gods...
My mourning began early.  Sharp black tailored suit with a striped black and blue tie and scarf...dressed to the nines...as if Italian silk melted onto my flesh outlining my broad shoulders, narrowing down to my waist and streaming along my long legs.  I met my family just about nine a.m. (just after their breakfast).  Harold was waiting for us outside.  One by one we got in, and so our final slow drive began.
We met with George one last time, he seemed as if he finally found his peace...serene...quiet...content.
George went first, we followed with Harold sanctioning our way to an eternal temple of emotions.  Whisked right in we all sat...with prayer...should come hope and acceptance...(g)relief
All for the living
Life truly is like a shell, ever so delicate yet so beautiful with an enthralling and illuminating white energy...the soul much like a yolk..sitting inside...hatched and dropped into the earth liberating a lost spirit...into a shrouded mystery of paradise


Where one quest ends another begins with one simple text mid morning...still interested in Opus?  The invite to Utopian bliss was accepted...should there have been any doubt?  Dress appropriate for the ascension was my request (if possible); Joe made due with what was available.  Ninety 90 Minutes Later:  With the dark haired dragon lady steering shot gun, we navigated to Joe's coordinates...target located!  Mystified and befuddled, Joe escorts us out...i assure him its no time for apologies, insecurities, nor pettifogging.   We depart and arrive as planned, joined by the rest of the crew...all dressed in black...with the 1one exception (no need to point your finger at ---> Joe)
We sit and have fish, as all fishermen do.  Anchor drops, Joe and I take out the dingy...there is an oasis on the horizon.  We paddle against a soft current...in life's struggles, this was certainly not one.  Fifteen nautical miles later we run aground...waiting in the distance... near distance sits the seducer, swirling in his glass silo, silently swaying side to side...in a deep red garment
he first offers aromas of blackberry, plum, coca, dried cherries and hazelnut...
convinced
absolutely
On a flannel-like savory road there is this vibrant blackberry and black cherry tang with hints of dark chocolate and black licorice that just tease and tickle...herbs linger on the finish
Yummmmm I had been baited into my own afterworld
Once my senses regained their consciousness...my voyage was about to take its own new course this Saturday night...
Dusk peered its darkening skies

Standards and Impressions

     Its said that se70%enty Percent of f1rst impressions forever stick.  Unshakable...Unchangeable....undeniably regrettable because that limits ones' ability to mold a connection with another person.  People can and do evolve.  Sometimes people misrepresent themselves, sometimes they might be misunderstood...in either case, if 1st impressions are the sole operator on the relationship road...a worthwhile individual could be left on the roadside...thumb up and all.
Hitch this thought

Why is it that people do not find themselves in healthy and stable relationships...?

Several reasons...lets start with---

if you keep your standards too high that will eliminate potential suitors that might be highly compatible with your personality.  How much happier will someone be if they surround themselves with kindred individuals that create agreeable environments.  (Just as an aside...looks change too...)  Why is it that you are never happy?  No one is ever good enough...never satisfied...blah blah blah

First impressions are tricky...because we are told to trust our instincts.  First impression seem to be forever remembered.  First impressions in many ways create the standard, and if we disagree with that benchmark, we would tend to deviate from any "recurrence" of experiencing an encore.  Perhaps a consequent rendezvous would be more of an honest representation of whom the individual might actually be...better exposing any potential connection

If your mind remains closed...expect few knocks

     Release your consciousness

           Allow for growth

                And you will never know who will answer

if Not, then expect what you put in...

au revoir

rebirth

the old man was right, October was his month...last night my forefather was lulled into an unwakeable slumber...d r i p d r i p d r i p...A Morphine based drug emancipated a soul from a broken shell...

Pain, Love, and Understanding

Why are loving relatinships so painful?
       What causes this pain?
              How can there be less pain? 

Take a moment and think of this, it is our resistance to love that leads to conflict and co-dependence.  A love of ourselves and each other!  Strong healthy relationship exist when both parties are equal and whole partners.  In co dependent patterns, the partners have invested less then their undivided attention and participation.  Co dependent relationships are predicated upon control and approval which creates an atmosphere of manipulation...becoming a vacuum of impurity, mistrust, and disharmony...sometimes all lost within a Selfish vortex of unspoken words.  These destructive habits sap the very lifeforce of any relationship...draining life, energy, and any creativity a partner may possess.
Why do we get ourselves into these relationships?????  Selfish reasons often compel us...selfish reasons ultimately motivate us to the dismantling them as well.  Within the confines of this disposable society lies this underbelly of dishonesty, vanity and egocentricity...
The catalyst is our unknown desires, our curiosities.  What exists outside of our world?  The ones who are capable of dealing with those temptations can invigorate their relationship...possibly even rekindling a lost love?  Genuine appreciation and an unmistakable understanding of the emotional needs of your partner will undeniably be a springboard to a higher conscious and enhance the strength and creativity of your bond!
Conflict is neither necessary nor desirable, but unfortunately it might be all that we know from observing our evolution through our upbringing and development...
See life through their eyes...understand their ways

Expired Renaissance

    S6x months removed from doing the unthinkable...breaking the heart of a sweet and beautiful woman.  She never expected it, not from me, why should she?  We barely spoke about.  In many ways, she woke up one day and realized something died.  I had gone to the wake a year earlier, i had experienced my bereavement...i came to grips with my situation...accepting and understanding what was best (in my opinion) for the both of us.  It had to done quickly, if it were to be successful
Why?do this?  Why?
because
if i let her go, she might get lucky and find someone who will treat her the way she deserved to be treated...someone who will be with her emotionally, as well as, physically...
this is what every relationship merits...I did her a favor, if she only knew
Like a band aid, ripped right off
OUCH!
-This can not be happening
it did
-Why me

(Some of my stuff went missing...what ever the reason...who ever did it.  All i know is that it happened)

-Deal or no Deal?
Why bargain now, seriously...
because there are always options
-Frustrated
Bitter
Self-pity
dead dreams...what about all the plans
NO controlllllllll
At some point it happens
-Accepting versus resigning
It always takes two to make or break a relationship
I broke the vulnerable walls of a facade...i needed the sun and wind to cleanse the air..i need what everybody needs and deserves...

Just another Saturday

    As i awoke this morning, i was reminded of how vindictive a night out can make us feel.  My dry throat, aching head...my body might even need a little DW40.  Don't listen to me, i am just being a tad bit dramatic, who would think....
It was
a night of practice
that began during the Gorgeous afternoon (I love it when the weather accommodates my plans)
With a sip of 2007 Pelligrini Cabernet Franc...a Bordeaux varietal know for its peppery finish...a dryness that leaves your lips puckering for an encore.  The crowd out on the east end was (to me at least) fairly large...which surprised me.  My first stop out east was at Bedell <As an aside their 2005 Musee...the BEST LI wine that i have tasted...again my tastes are specific to me  ;  )      Too maneeeeeeeey people, the crowd was overwhelming, not to mention the obnoxious odor generated when you add people and booze over a long period of time.  I am not the queasy type, but YUCK!  Anyhow, at least the problem of crowd size and odor at Pelligrini was consistent...consistency sometimes is worth the expectation...yawn!  I waited forever for a chance to sip the Cab Franc...and once it came i liked it...my buddy Joe thought that i was outstanding.  The second and third portions of our tasting flight arrived with delays...even on sunny days.  Results?  No surprise...it came with the highest of qualities that a long island terroir has to offer.  I inspected the room, its what i instinctively tend to do...i love to observe and absorb...i see several groups of friends...with gluttony running down their palates.  They are socializing and that is healthy!  Some groups are mixed in gender, some are solely women.  Only half are couples out of a room full of strangers...storytelling is abound, laughter is at a thunderous blare, and the wine is at our premium...we are all getting along.  Only one woman catches my eye.  Her hair is auburn, cut just shy of her shoulders.  A bronze skin tone that illuminates and defines her delicate features...a smile that would awaken the dead.  Joe is not interested in staying to make any new friends, we leave without even a hello and good bye...and like that...we are on our way...to where?  Somewhere?
     Its called legends and its sites on the bay facing an emerald colored island.  Just beyond it you can clearly see the south Fork.  The water is calm and the locals are inside, laughing it up.  We enter and site next two an older foursome.  Shortly thereafter they leave and offer us their seats, we politely accept and thank them.  Across from us, sit a split group of about nine individuals, mostly women...they've been here a while...smeared make up, loud laughs, and a lot of hugs.  I can't even finish my beer, its too heavy....and frankly i just like wine so much more...we leave because i want too this time around.  On my way out, two of those women from across the way stop me...
They ask me for a cigarette?  You have a better shot of getting C4 explosives from the hardware store...again, with a charming smile I graciously decline their request...the brunette, with shame slumps her head, the flirtatious blond rubs my arm...i remind them about that whole smoking thing (i am sure i won't be the last).  The sky is black, the clouds conceal the moonlight, the road is long, thin, curvy and lonely.  In an hours time, we are back in business in a local establishment.  It dinner time.  We sit to wait for our table at the bar.  The bartender, a young average looking woman comes over, Don (we found him along the way...he must of been on that road) immediately barks out our order..."and i am doing just fine thank you" she answered with a sarcastic smirk...Oh like her wit and humor, shes not afraid to tango.  Two minutes later we are paraded around the facility and sit in our booth.  Dinner is nondescript.
Ten O'clock, Setauket...this soft velvety coach has smothered my body, the room is dark, and i am surrounded by older musicians and younger bohemians...the band starts.  The guitarist is outstanding, he is playing off his harmonica player, and their music is real good.
Its past eleven, i park my car on a small side road.  We have a brisk walk down some stairs...a dark haired vixen sits at the bottom, her lips draped onto a smoke.  Our eyes meet, i smile, i remind her how beautiful she can be...i never saw her again...will she ever stop smoking?  Why do i even care?  Candy greets us inside...A twenty something single mother...greets us with more booze...when will this nonsense end!  I accept as  a gentlemen, yet i disapprove from my morals (and liver!)  Sorry candy, i won't be a daddy for you and your baby.
Its past midnight, i am on a boat that is stuck in the middle of a busy street...imagine that (the beetles would have a lot to say about this).  Drunk people are getting up on stage and taking turns singing songs.  Most of them are making my ear(s) hurt...our bartender, young, vibrant, shoreline curves with large almond eyes.  Her nose twinkles with a sparkle...shes cute (and i bet shes clever too...if i ever got to know her)  What is her name again?  I receive my last beer of the evening (thank god, i did not want any of them actually).  I am not paying too much attention to her, i am focused on our singer du jour.  Only this couple to my right are able to hold a tune...they look cute together...but they are just friends.  The music stop, the DJ flashes a small light into my general direction......why?
I see my bartender go up and briefly whisper into his hear.  The back of her faded jeans are facing me as she wrestles with some cords...the music started up again...the next three minutes, were by far the best three minutes of my evening...i close my eyes and i am listening to Beyoncee.  Her voice resonated with a brilliant elegance yet stood with a seductive allure...she in three minutes completely entranced my soul.  Her set ended and i immediately congratulated her...she responded with a humble smile and quick glance to her right.  I instantly became extremely attentive of the singer (our bartender), so did my three other cohorts.  Her sex appeal just doubled.  And everyone knew it...everyone.
I did notice one curious turn of events, her highly attractive co worker...wandered over to our direction...this other woman was sublimely insecure and threatened that her crown was for the taking...Oh it was taken, i never payed any more attention to her for the rest of the evening.
The human dynamic within a societal structure is interesting once you evaluate where nature's pyramid intends for us to stand by.

Triumph comes with more then a little Merlot

     Fall is here, the crisp cool breeze only an autumn morning can bring.  Leaves turn golden seemingly overnight, effortlessly floating onto the rusty hued lawns...only weeks removed had glowed green.  I spent the morning deducing whether or not a trail walk would be appropriate for my customer.  The walk is five kilometers long...with several rolling hills...hugging a shoreline that is lively with bamboo and tall grass.  My first attempt seemed short, upon my return i inspected the trail map only to find that i omitted approximately two kilometers.  I redid the exercise...
     In one week, there will be fundraiser for breast cancer awareness in loving memory of Sara Long Harte.  She was a local elementary school teacher who passed away at thirty two years of age...Breaking the hearts of many families.  This walk was organized in the matter of six or so weeks with the expected turnout of approximately One THOUSAND participants.  One of the participants will be a customer of mine, he knew her well...he is a determined man to complete this challenge in her memory.
     My customer, he, himself has his own tragedies that hinder his ability to complete the walk.  He is a couple of years removed from a stroke that has left his right side of his body (right arm and right leg) disabled.  Poor motor function coupled with a major downgrade in strength.  Yet he is determined to attempt AND succeed in a feat that his own doctors swore that he would have never had recovered enough to successfully take ten consecutive steps without assistance.  I will be there with him and we will finish...
Now, since its fall...and i am surround by beautiful vineyards...i am off to have a glass of wine and perhaps make some new friends...Long Island Merlot and Cabernet Franc have made quite an impression on me.  I will let you know what happens next...tomorrow...until then.

Work Hard...earn Successsss

    A wise co-worker recently questioned...where has the fun...the love gone?  What ever happened to our tee-gee-eye-ef's????
That is what i want to know...
and i pondered

while

i...

tested my body's threshold.  With a fifty percent higher margin of work (using the upright bike's simulated pacer as the working standard), i probed whatever limits i allowed my mettle to create as an endpoint.  Up and down, side to side...the trail was intense and challenging.  Sweat drenched my flesh, trickling so eloquently down my arm, softly splashing onto the hardwood floor.  A pool of effort and work has formed at the base of my magnum opus...

Why was i doing this to myself?

On a Friday?

i have friends at this very moment, lifting a mug and sharing a cheer of good will with all that would listen to their weekly follies and adventures.

Meanwhile, i..am testing boundaries...that in some minds...create images of severe suffering and extreme tragedy...?  What in God's name am i doing to myself, have i gone mad?

Huffing and puffing, KNOCK knocking on death's (hopefully heaven's) door!

To state that i test personal limits...is a fallacy.  Limits denote specific point of terminus.  What i was doing i was challenging my body's capacity to exceed past achievements...i want to seek out barrier points and break through...i want to define my character as one with resilience when confronted with a demanding challenge...after all, examining the ultimate mirror image (or metaphorical example) of life..how forgiving is life in the face of conflict?  Not in the least bit..

what did that guy Darwin say

survival of the fittest

so with that, i still have ninety minutes before happy hour is over

Cheers to all the readers, and share a toast with me

be in good health...and never give up

Distorted Flawlessness

The line that divides love % HATE....is a very thin line

...It is a line that has caused many divisions...but what does that indicate.  Assessing any individual or situation, one would tend to weigh positives with negatives...and figure how too proceed based upon that computed internal analysis.  That would be the expected in a trial under normal conditions.

Individuals who classify a relationship or situation as entirely positive or completely negative might be dealing their passions from a cantankerous hand.  A hand held from a fragile emotional state...a state centered solely upon the beholder.  Idolize partnership greatness or ostracize with any hint of imperfection.  Could a self absorbed eye see anything different?  This may be a reflection of self esteem and self worth.  This will destabilize the very fabric of any given relationship.  Its a cancerous decay within an individual and any relationship they're connected too.  In order to overcome such a delicate and volatile interpretation and expression of connection, one much accept and move beyond declination.  Creating an atmosphere of acceptance, will only strengthen that connection in any sort of relationship.   By permitting for any faults, weakness, and imperfections...you have opened that door for that individual to walk through, and..merge with you.  It takes a higher conscious to allow for less then the ideal...
Things can change (for the better...hopefully), people change, improve themselves...work for a better tomorrow...
No need to shut them out
Afterall, we are all human, we are all imperfect

Life isLike A CANDied apple...

Crunchy on the outside

Sweet and tender on the inside (maybe even on the outside)

--Michael Fox 

      True or not, i can find a serendipitous blessing in life's oncoming calamities.  Part of that could be an interpretation of perception, another component could come from posi+ive adjustments one can make in order to reverse "fate".  Is it truly "fate"...or a road that we create with the opportunities to put ourselves in?  Nonetheless, my journey began some four months ago...
Seems more then a seasonal change, a world ago
Sixteen months ago my grandfather was involved in an unusual motor vehicle accident.  He made a bid to stop his 1984 Buick Regal with the western wall of his home.  Full throttle...Crash and Bammm!  He might have survived the incident with minor abrasions, but in his haste, he attempted a last minute ditch effort from the moving vehicle.  Causing him to get entangled between the wall and his automotive.  To make a long story short, through a series of surgeries and infections, he lost his left leg and his duodenum (part of your belly...never a good thing to loose it).  His compromised breathing led to a tracheal pipe...All in all, he is sick and unresponsive...(The irony to this is that he forecasted a year prior that he would pass on in the month of October.  Well it is October)...
Fast Forward
Four Months Ago
My Grandmother, his wife of sixty years (or there about), is in the midst of losing the closest confident that life brought her...the only thing preventing her from experiencing extreme episodes of depression is the anti-anxiety and anti-depression medications that her physician prescribed for her.  <From my observations, they seem to be working>  I am busy, very busy.  I am a home owner, i have many bills and responsibilities...translation...i work many hours...two jobs worth of hours.  Some weeks involved seventy recorded working hours.
August 13th, it was a Friday...Regardless of what anyone believes...i, in my heart knew that thirteen is a lucky number.  That was the last day i worked at my second job.  Does not make any sense...at all as to why (because!) it might be (at that time) an inarguable coincident that i had a loss of work when money for me was at a premium...but that was the first day that i was able to be there for my grandmother.

Contemptment of the hearT

     There is a certain percentage of our population that feels it needs the security of a relationship in order to enjoy the community spoils.  The reason why anyone should be in a relationship is because it feels right, it feels natural...and goodness comes from it.  People who force relationships often find that a negative road lies ahead.  Some people will do anything to stay committed within a relationship, such as ignoring problems or assuming all types of issues are regular occurrences...this will eventually sink relationships.  Others claim too much responsibility to save the situation, that in turn hides someone's faults or mistakes...on the flip side you will find some who will never accept responsibility for any wrong doing.   Even an unreasonable acceleration of the seriousness of the relationship can be used to forcefully keep the other mate committed...all with the stated intentions to create A "pseudo" solution aimed at rectifying existing problems.  Others demand too much without reciprocating or considering the needs and costs of their significant other.  People will also enter into a hostile defensive mode if they feel that their fragile emotional exposed desperate state is not substantiated from the other individual....why are you in the relationship?
Sometimes our selfish sides rule the roost...our pride hides the truth...

Absorb and Reciprocate

"KNOW thy SELF"- Socrates

If we look at a relationship as an entity, and you are apart of that entity...then you must know who you are and what you are becoming...

     It might be one the most daunting arguments /slash/ examinations since the inception of philosophical debate.  To truly know yourself.  Words may not easily explain any situation, but comprehending and complying  within the existence of that kinship will take a strong grasp of understanding whom it is that forms that life with you.  Swift emotional leaps into that frontier before fully ascertaining whom it is that you have created this bond with, may in the end lead through a tumultuous road.  Therefore, if we take our time to know whom it is that forms this bond, this in turn Will lead us to a resilient promise in our choices of alliance.

   Once we know the who, and understand (or to the best of our ability)...this is where true strength evolves...The strength of a friendship resides upon the confidence and trust established during the creation of the foundation in the companionship.  I know what comes next..and you'll scream if you hear ONE more TIME...buttttttt!!!  Communication is the quintessential backbone to any bond=bond.  That means equal.  Experiencing your own emotional kinetics is without question easy for you to feel...but can you properly express them without creating turbulence?  Everyone is different, therefore there is an inconsistent dynamic each individual possesses in adequately sharing and understanding expression...the true skill here is Adjusting to the level necessary in order to fulfill that line of communication.  Communication=Communication has to come (on effort) from both sides of each bond.  Now that the lines of communication are alive and <open>?  Yes, are you with me.?  Once they are open, use them...problems that go ignored harbor a life as well.  This means that they can growwwW!  Becoming recurring....this creates frustration...over and over again : (

If this is where you give up...then the life that we thought that we once knew...will die

My Symbiotic Fox Trot

   "If you dance to win...then there will be a loser...what stability would that partnership have?" --- just one of my thoughts D. K.

  Most people that i grew up with are or were in some unbalanced state of a deteriorated type of relationship.  It is the norm of this generation, and that is unfortunate because this in turn breeds societal mistrust.  There is this pressure in society to meet a certain standard or expectation, and it tends to develop from family and cultural values.  This fuels the fire to conquer any threat.
   In examining two individuals embedded in conflict...does the best outcome hinge on who wins the dispute, or if there is a peaceful resolution to the argument?  What becomes more important, happiness or victory?  Can both exist?  You would have to ask the anointed loser of that "contest".  Fair warning, that may come with animosity and hostility...free of charge of course...that is part of the show.
Our dysfunctional society couples shame with wrong...therefore...Perfection (there it is again) is Ideal.  This continually creates a comparison factor to determine self worth.
    Judgment.  By comparison, if you are better, you must be worth more...this should and will make you feel better...Yes?  When we are "right", it becomes the simplest and most basic evidence of our self-worth.  This wright-rong game has a fraternal twin...its called Blame the Basterd.  Once a conflict has blame, then the attacks mount in order to prove erroneous ways.
Feel the snowball rolling, i do, straight for my face.  I hate frostbite...
    Raging...Boiling...tempers flare...who's right?  Me!Me!Me!  is anyone listening...at this?..who is actually listening, hearing the opposing argument?  Neither!  We are focused on Winning!  Yes?  The tactic that repeatedly resurfaces in most to all confrontations...the infamous list.  Past fights, hurts, instances...that can prove the point.  You know that list, we all carry it...some are longer then others...nonetheless, it is free reading.
Interjection.  If resolution becomes the goal, rather then victor, how would the stability of that interpersonal bond develop?  Maybe my next relationship won't have a winner...because happiness will be the goal.  For both parties, not just on my side.
This fighting business, does it, can it? remind us of something?  Not to be become too Freudian, but it can be said there are parallels with current relationships and past relationships...aka...the way our parents acted or treated us.
Its not my theory, its somebody else's theory, its an interesting one too...food for thought.

   "A strong dance alliance creates a calm rhythmic pulse that effortlessly flows to the beat of Life" -- D.K.

Forgive and Forget

   "Bear with each other and Forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord Forgave YOU"  -    Colossians 3:13

    A simple practice with an emotional complexity and complicated directive.  In theory we should all be able and willing to easily comply with this principle, yet we find ourselves continually challenged to accomplish the deed.  There are considerations to be done in order to evaluate the intricacies behind this discussion.
    Why can it be so difficult to forgive.  The primary reason as to why may be to protect the exposed wound sustained from the preceding initiative.  Its apart of our defense mechanism...perhaps a reminder to not involve ourselves with that individual or circumstance?  Recoil in self protection.  Where does mercy or grace find its way to the core of a wronged soul?  Protection is good, but at the price of understanding and resolving?
Another factor can be the human ego...our pride prevents us from mending our problems.  Our self worth comes from our pride, hence our dignity becomes fractured.  Can we right our wrongs and sustain our honor?
   Both valid reasons, yet should there be any reason at all for a lack of forgiveness?  Perhaps it is the persistent act of forgiveness that can mend...in due time if we continue to forgive long enough, our hearts may accept it.

"...I am Certain that god, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished..." - Phillippians 1:6

Whether you believe in a god or not, if you come to understand that sometimes forgiveness is a slow process, and it is not an easy choice.  Then with a continual thought for it...if we continue...long enough, forgiving...then we might allow the matter to settle in our hearts.

    Our anger for justice will be our main obstacle in rendering forgiveness.  Why should we forgive in the wake of an injustice.  Because, who are we to judge others?

"Do NOT judge, and you will not be judged.  Do NOT condemn, and you will not be condemned.  Forgive and you will be Forgiven"  - Luke 6:36

Why is it important to forgive?  Because resolution harbors evolution.  The life of a relationship is amorphic.  It will take the shape in which you mold it.  If bitterness motivates it, then it will bear a bitter shape.

The F1rst Trespasser

How controlled can it be...it certainly can not always be explained nor understood...


I walk into the darkened pub.  The stench of sweat and stale beer saturated the air.  Frisky loose women, frustrated young males swarming the turf.  It's a battlefield with no clear winner, in a unwarranted yet necessary war that has lasted since the beginning of mankind.  We all have to wager our struggles in order to survive this generation.

"One Pumkin Ale please"...A fond appetite for an unsatiated thirst..and with that i can blend right into this clash.


My first request, to the first person who greets me...its her job to bring me comfort.  She responds with a flirtatious smile and an acknowledging nod.  Within minutes my euphoric impulse is gratified.  My fingers slither quietly around the chilled mug, clasping a fleeting sense of serenity.  A sudden craving that abruptly attacked my impressionable perception.
Seducing the senses within an abyss of tease.  Wicked delusions of endless compulsions...a neverending lustful nirvana...
transitory and provisional...two ships in the night.

Its a corrupted chase that makes debaucherous fools of any sound minded individual.  It the instigator that operates and victimizes our will...Taunting and elusive

it is our initial desire that spawns the direction that we ramble through our sacrificial path

Ionic or Covalent, Therein Lies the NOBILITY

     A BOND is an attractive force that adheres together the atoms, ions or grouped atoms in molecules or crystals.  Simply put a uniting or binding element of force.  Bonds exists on every level of living life.  Some bonds are strong, near impervious to destruction.  While others can be volatile and delicate, easy to splinter and dissipate.  Some bonds get created through donating elements, while others develop through sharing.  It is the energy that gets generated by two forces as they conjoin.
     This may define why certain people work well together as others will repel one another.  Its that intangible, unseen force that can draw in or reject.  What enchants two individuals?  Engrosses a glamorous force, magnetizing our souls...so unexplainable, yet so mysterious...onto one another.  When the connection is strong it becomes inescapable.  To explain it, you would have to know who you are and what you can offer. 
     Most people that i have met in my lifetime are still searching to find themselves.  Some may succeed, while the rest will forever be lost in an endless pursuit.  A quest to perfection, happiness, success, completeness...we all, to some degree have a personal definition of our existence...That is what frames our minds and traces our paths.
    That indefinite chase...
Who Are You.  What defines You.  What sacrifices will you make to create an unyielding connection?