Must I confess? Come Clean...? Need I be Honest and Open...? Then please allow me to begin!
With a conceptual schematic depicting...A collection of...My intimate and personal Relationships hang-ups.
My Relationship track record is...
frankly is quite dicey...At Times, somewhat scandalous and salacious...Slanderous and unrepresentative of my true character...and perhaps considered a tab bit certifiably unstable from others who don't understand my inner workings...
To say the least! But its all subjective Opinion!!
Or, maybe I am a Selfish know-it-all...and I just don't want to work on a relationship for two...?
I reap results that I have sown together...woven by a strict calculation predicated on failure rates. I am a Master, a King at creating chaos and dysfunction...
Why?
Because I seek to Sabotage my Relationships.
Many factors and pseudo reasons go through a Long and convoluted "logically" based decision making portrayal....
Such as...
I don't want to relinquish my single life...I wonder how I will feel about being single in Twenty Years?
Refusing to allow a partner to get close to me...I find a need to guard my worst...like most...but, Marilyn once said: "If You can't Tolerate me at my worst, you certainly shouldn't deserve me at my Best!"
I am CONVINCED that Love can NOT Work...My Parents failed miserably at their marriage, I should know, I saw it...Others believe this too, in that how can they get LUCKY enough to find partnership Bliss.
I look for PERFECTION...high standards are good, but I need to be real too...I need to become more Accepting of others with their faults...and hopefully, they can become more accepting of mine.
I am too busy, or unavailable...anything ELSE that I can Think Of to use as an excuse???
I find myself NIT-PICKY at the quirky little habits of others...WHY are SO many people HYPOCRITES?!
My Family...I can't abandon them? But will I be? My sister has no problem pursuing a relationship elsewhere...OR...will my family approve of my choice...Bottom Line, my family approves and supports me!
Can Long distance work? Sure, even if I am at a Beach...and she is on a mountain, far...far away...IF we WORK on it, it can last!
I don't want to Change!!! Change is the ONE CONSTANT in all of Life and Creation...Those who fail to see that are blinded by prejudice and all preconceived notions...Life is a cycle...
Sprouts
Experiences
Fades...
I am afraid of success...Most People in failed relationships can Relate to the Pain associated with those failures...fighting, crying, anger!!! Makes us feel alive, as if we exist and factor into our fate...Pain tells us things that no other emotion can...Good Healthy Relationships can Exist!!!
Finally, NOBODY wants to get HURT...easiest way not too, is not sell your heart to a shared partnership...So...We need to be more honest with OURSELVES over our feelings...AND...Kinder to each other in our Relationships...and Hope for the Best that someone isn't planning on ruining our day.
Now, If I follow my Own advise...I am Golden...I know that I can stand through Thick or Thin with whom I choose too. I can be a Great Partner and and even Better Father...and I Need to allow myself to exhibit those strong and positive qualities.
I do dedicate this to my Long list of women that I have caused so many problems too...and vice versa, they have in turn have caused me...
Kathryn Gunderson, Long Beach Occupational Therapist and Nutritionist
136 Taft ave
Life is a series of Lessons,
and they come at Just the right point in Life...Or so I would Like to Think...
So, If Chance should have it...
Then Karma is my redemption...
and I can be the Perfect Match.
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