Need conversation starters? I know a plenty...

A "Paraprosdokian" is a figure of speech in which the

latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or

unexpected in a way that causes the reader or

listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It

is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect.

I found these were classics:

    * Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you

down to his level and beat you with experience.

    * I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my

grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the

passengers in his car.

    * The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But

it's still on the list.

    * Light travels faster than sound. This is why

some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

    * If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

    * We never really grow up; we only learn how to

act in public.

    * War does not determine who is right -- only who

is left.

    * Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit;

Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

    * The early bird might get the worm, but the

second mouse gets the cheese.

    * Evening news is where they begin with "Good

evening," and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

    * To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.

To steal from many is research.

    * A bus station is where a bus stops. A train

station is where a train stops. My desk is a work

station.

    * How is it one careless match can start a forest

fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

    * Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks

of captivity, they can train people to stand on the

very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

    * I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just

wanted pay checks.

    * A bank is a place that will lend you money if

you can prove that you don't need it.

    * Whenever I fill out an application, in the part

that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR."

    * I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was

blaming you.

    * Why does someone believe you when you say there

are four billion stars, but check when you say the

paint is wet?

    * Why do Americans choose from just two people to

run for president and 50 for Miss America ?

    * Behind every successful man is his woman.

Behind the fall of a successful man is usually

another woman.

    * A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad

memory.

    * You do not need a parachute to skydive. You

only need a parachute to skydive twice.

    * The voices in my head may not be real, but they

have some good ideas!

    * Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't

expect it back.

    * A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to

hell in such a way that you will look forward to the

trip.

    * Hospitality: making your guests feel like

they're at home, even if you wish they were.

    * Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes

misery easier to live with.

    * I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm

about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a

piece of seaweed touches my foot.

    * Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others

whenever they go.

    * There's a fine line between cuddling and

holding someone down so they can't get away.

    * I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

    * When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember

that the Fire Department usually uses water.

    * You're never too old to learn something stupid.

    * Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

    * A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when

you are after it as when you are in it.

    * If you are supposed to learn from your

mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

    * Change is inevitable, except from a vending

machine.