Unfolding Coquine

Mind I dare speak a word of truth, dare I say words with meaning...words with honesty and fault...
My autumn sky is slowly fading...soon to yield to a dark night lit only by a myriad of stars and a sharply curved moon...
Night breeds a life, decadent in myth with fire and passion...and carnal delights...
It keeps me hungry in ways no meal can satisfy...
An urge strong enough to transcend me into another lifetime of lust and Erotiscm...
The shine of black,
Outlines my broad back...
Smooth, and rounded around my shoulders...
Even in the dark, my silhouette...can not hide my muscular arms...
My long hair...alive in waves and curls...
My eyes, although dark...still glisten
I prowl like a beast awaiting my prey...
Only to know my eternal hunger...will never be met...
I growl as I spot my target, I pounce without hesitation...
No apologies, no forgiveness...
In my fury, I thrust and I throw...
With life, with meaning...with purpose and intent...
I conquer, with not one but two victors...
The Prey always come willingly...
In many ways, their instinct knows
That they are one with me..

"You Must Have Known?"

Are your powers of premonition pretty lousy? Me too. I have no idea who is going to win elections or what the stock market is going to do next quarter.

But when it comes to infidelity, you would've thought that everyone is clairvoyant and that particular super power skipped you. Because after you discover your spouse was cheating on you, there will be folks out there shaking their heads saying, "surely you must have known."

One of the worst things about being cheated on is others' wrongheaded notion that somehow you were in on the deal. That you knowingly turned a blind eye. Perhaps you and your cheating spouse had an "arrangement," wink, wink, nudge, nudge. The unspoken assumption is that you kind of deserve infidelity for being such an oblivious idiot.

Of course, this is just a way for the smug to distance themselves from the pain and humiliation of betrayal. Just like some folks think cancer and other sorts of misfortune are contagious, it's easier to think we have control over Bad Things That Happen. It must be because you failed (unlike me). Blaming the victim is a nice little voodoo smug people do to protect themselves from the scary uncertainty that they too could be played.

Perhaps you were smug once too, safe in the knowledge that infidelity would never happen to you.

I know I was. I thought cheating is what happened when you had a sexless marriage, or let yourself go, or married some obvious Lothario. (The Lothario of my imagination being some cross between Austin Powers and a skeevy sales and marketing rep.)

My husband loved me! My husband pursued me! My husband and I had sex! I was safe. Insomuch as I thought of infidelity at all, I thought it happened to other people. People with either really, sad pathetic marriages (see sexless and ugly above) or glamorous Bohemian people who were swept up in torrid affairs, helpless against the inevitability of their fated love. Solid, dull Midwesterners don't do drama, I thought. I was immune.

We all see the world through our own moral lens. And if you have a particularly good set of morals (and assume everyone else does too), that makes you a good mark. If you've never experienced infidelity before and you know that you wouldn't cheat on your spouse, you stumble around the planet with a certain naivety. You wouldn't have done such a thing and therefore you can't imagine a world in which the person you are most intimate with daily would do such a thing either.

That's why infidelity is so shattering. It completely up-ends your view of the world, your sense of reality, of whom you can trust. When it happened to me, it was like that scene in the Twilight Zone where the "normal" people suddenly rip off their masks and reveal that they are pig-snouted aliens. I was shocked to my core. The world has PIG-SNOUTED ALIENS?! WTF?! No one TOLD ME!

Trusting your spouse is not pathological. It's what normal, loving people do. And that is why betrayal and manipulation are so very ugly. Because abusers take that trust -- that social glue that binds us together -- and they turn it on you. Use your loving "benefit of the doubt" against you.

And as if that crap isn't painful enough, it's that much more painful to have the peanut gallery out there gawking and pointing and saying you were somehow party to your own abuse.

You can only be in denial about something you know. Betrayed spouses beat themselves up for being chumps. The deception is humiliating. In retrospect the deceit looks so obvious (he never answered his cell phone, she was a sudden aficionado of Brazilian waxes...) And of course, you probably had gut feelings that things were off. But your cheater told you, no, everything was fine. Or no, actually you were the problem. And you believed that. Until you couldn't any more.

After you know you've been cheated on, it's pretty normal to go through the stages of grief. Denial is one of those stages, as is bargaining. (Pig-snouted spouse... okay... maybe it's not that bad. Maybe I can work with this...) Once you know, however, that knowledge is a gift. It doesn't feel that way, of course. It feels like death. Like someone bulldozed your heart, and shoveled its remains into one of those radioactive waste containers, never to be touched again like Chernobyl. But really, knowledge is power. The worse part is not knowing.

Surely you knew? No. You didn't. But now you do. The rest of your life is up to you. If you ask me? I think you should run as fast as you can from the pig-snouted aliens. Godspeed.

 

Article by Tracy Schorn 

My Dirty Little Secret

As night time falls,
and the moon rises...
It lights my path...and my hunger grows
My flesh fueled by heat and ice...

Your Vampish aura has seduced my mind...Spiced with a grueling appetite
My heart races, as it feeds from your fire...covered by smoke, it yields to its desire
Burning with a passion, only lust can extinguish...
Luscious in behavior, too deviant to trust
Carnal in depth.  Yet, Delicate and sensual.
Soft like fresh molten, I sink in beneath its heat.
Draped and encompassed in your allure...
Charmed by your seduction...
Imprisoned by my own soul...
Victim of my own innocence...
My unconscious hunger never truly feels satisfied
Erogenous...Amorous...
Irresistibly Sultry
Your touch, your feel...
Captivated by your pleasure

Can You Trust?

I implicitly trust that my own stupidity can and will be outdone!
Therefore, I can not fully trust anyone...including myself.

12 Assets held by Happy People

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151088265691862&set=a.141601496861.125836.141538401861&type=1&ref=nf

I guess that I am part Mermaid...how Tragic

I invent profoundness and sensibility to illustrate an abyss, it creates contrast for those with poor depth perception.
It's frustrating to those who are unable to think and perceive such complexities...and they end up drowning in my waters...

My Awaken Dragon, with a Gypsy at heart

I never wavered, nor lost any poise...for I knew in my heart, the rigors of your demanding schedule.  I am sure though, that your guilty pleasures are still at play...I can see the Headlines
"Gyps continues to Bumfuzzle the simpletons of Los Angeles"
either way, your stay there has run its course...Your Desire to remain has gone cattywumpus.  I completely understand...that sort of environment would drain me as well.
Your warning cry 'Gardyloo' rings oh so true...
Shall I spoil your mind with my Stories, Antics and Taradiddles?
I gave all my coworkers and clients ridiculous super powers yesterday...I know, so stupid and immature...nonetheless, ridiculous and funny!
My modern billingsgate confuses the masses, and inandates my peers with chaos...and I love each stroke...
It's how I engage others, whereby I get to draw my verbal Snickersnee...it's my Widdershins approach.
In turn causing Collywobbles, of the Mind and belly!
It's how I choose to hide my gubbins...using my slow and steady stream of whimsical nonsense (my previous word...Ridiculous)...
Since most functioning brains carry their fair share of glitches, my thoughts often come across as indiscernible Dipththongs...

I am so wickedly bad