What does a letter between two arguing spouses look like?

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2
minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're
cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever! The case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband,

P.S. don't try!! To find me, Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together!
Have a great life!



Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me
confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica, but when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.
So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free at last!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.