DTR?

Aaron and Josh are two guy friends who have a podcast in which they try to answer questions about dating, romance, relationships, sex, and the vagueries of human interaction. (“If you’re not a straight cismale, then we (may) have the answers you’re searching for.”) They’ll be writing a weekly post on The Date Report expanding on some of the topics covered in their weekly podcast. 


On this week’s podcast we fielded a question on how to stop a guy from “playing games” when all you want is a “booty call that’s reliable.” I think we all shared a nod on that one. What else could you want? The booty call (or “friends with benefits” if you prefer, although I generally just say “friend”– “fuckbuddy” is not a phrase I’m prepared to support) arrangement can be very fulfilling, but is also ever-shifting, fragile, and by temporary almost by definition. That said, it’s a relationship that requires thought and effort just like any other. Allow me to offer some tips on how to be the best booty call you can be.

1. Be reliable

This doesn’t mean you have to answer that 3AM “wht sup” text when you’d been in PJs since 8:57. All this means is that you have to say what you mean and mean what you say. When you get that “are you free tonight” gchat, don’t cagily not respond or, worse, lie– if you’re not free, just say you’re not free. If you are free, but don’t want to hang out, say that. If you say that you’re going to hang out with someone tomorrow, don’t pull the plug at the last minute. You know how you have that one friend who everyone just sort of accepts can’t be depended on? Just don’t be that guy, especially with someone who seems to have a vested interest in fucking you. It’s not good form. And whenever sex is involved, weird behavior like this tends to get blown out of proportion.

2. Be receptive to change

The booty call is pretty much defined by its lack of definition, so it behooves you not to get too hung up on the little things. Listen: you’re both along for the ride. If you end up spending a whole weekend together, it doesn’t mean he’s falling in love, and if you don’t see each other for three weeks, it doesn’t mean she hates you. The beauty of the booty call is that it’s a relationship that includes sex and companionship but that you don’t have to prioritize over everything else. With this privilege, though, comes the understanding that any meeting could just, for whatever reason, be the last one– you met someone, you got busy (not in the good way), etc. Cultivate a zen-like appreciation of the present moment.

3. Be honest (mostly with yourself)

It is not wrong or illegal to catch feelings. I repeat: it is not wrong or illegal to catch feelings. You are not a weak person, or an uncool person, or whatever because you started to think very highly of someone that you get along with and fuck, like, biweekly at least. But if the way you feel might cause a disagreement on what the relationship should look like, it’s up to you to initiate that conversation. Just as it’s completely cool for you to feel a certain way about someone, it’s also completely cool for that person to feel differently about you, and you know that. A booty call isn’t a starter-level monogamous relationship, it’s its own unique and beautiful butterfly, and expecting to be “upgraded” eventually is kind of like playing Triple-A baseball because you know you’ll eventually get called up to the NFL.

4. Be a good friend

If your only common interest is sex, things will get very boring fast. The personality traits that make for good friends also make for good sexual partners– the desire to explore shared interests, good communication about wants and needs, a willingness to do a trustfall into something they like but you don’t think you’ll like, etc. Plus, you gotta have brunch/couch conversation. Fucking boring people gets boring quick, but a good booty call will remain a friendship even if the booty fades away.

How to Be The Best Booty Call You Can Be
by Aaron Horton