Selection and Grief

Nobody has ever hurt me, not that i can recall. No one ever really made me feel betrayed either. I have never had my heart broken, how could I...I have never felt love, they way I would expect too...yet it seems that My ENTIRE family loves me. I have one younger sister, and growing up she was always my willing guinea pig...no matter what I did to her (or her friends), she would always come back to me with open arms and a big smile. Without hesitation or any remorse, nothing but acceptance and forgiveness....even now...I crashed my car not too long ago, she came and got me about 3:30 am...never made a single stink about it, to anyone.
Why, why is it that I put people through the ringer...even Dante's Seven layers weren't this complex, and at times, not this difficult. I am constantly keeping people at arms distance...I have long arms...
It seems that I won't allow/accept others getting close to me...and there are plenty that want too...and I just don't seem capable of letting them. On occassion They'll sneak underneath my arms, and as they somehow shuttle in my direct...like an artful matador, I side step their attempts which causes them to crash.
The persistent ones regain their composure and formulate another attack...the rest, chalk it up to another one of life's lesson and carry on...

I never seem bothered by it, those people hold curiosities that always seems to bring them back...by then, I am somewhere else, dressed in sharper red...
I DARE YOU
because I know that they'll miss
Again
I'm better then good at what I am capable of doing

This all makes me a liar at heart and a Hypocrit in the soul...

I claim self emotional sustainability is achieved...and it is
But, it gets monotonous...
Over and over, again and again...
After spending an entire social day...with all walks of life imaginable
I come home to my sole companion. He has four paws, a long tail and whiskers...he waits for me all day, to dance and sing once he sees me...he seems to love me too, even though I leave him alone for about fifteen hours each day...he forgives me, just like everybody else...well almost everybody.

Funny, I didn't think I was able to create and experience regret
"je ne Regrette rien"
But, I guess I have found a way to defy the known
Now, it's up to me to evolve from it...
I must learn and adapt
But, I still do hold my hopes and wishes
With my burning candles
If only I could be with my Kat...

Light a candle for us...and wish us for our best!
Thank you, this is my confession of how I wish I wasn't so difficult to get to know...otherwise I wouldn't have lost my way on the right road...