"If you dance to win...then there will be a loser...what stability would that partnership have?" --- just one of my thoughts D. K.
Most people that i grew up with are or were in some unbalanced state of a deteriorated type of relationship. It is the norm of this generation, and that is unfortunate because this in turn breeds societal mistrust. There is this pressure in society to meet a certain standard or expectation, and it tends to develop from family and cultural values. This fuels the fire to conquer any threat.
In examining two individuals embedded in conflict...does the best outcome hinge on who wins the dispute, or if there is a peaceful resolution to the argument? What becomes more important, happiness or victory? Can both exist? You would have to ask the anointed loser of that "contest". Fair warning, that may come with animosity and hostility...free of charge of course...that is part of the show.
Our dysfunctional society couples shame with wrong...therefore...Perfection (there it is again) is Ideal. This continually creates a comparison factor to determine self worth.
Judgment. By comparison, if you are better, you must be worth more...this should and will make you feel better...Yes? When we are "right", it becomes the simplest and most basic evidence of our self-worth. This wright-rong game has a fraternal twin...its called Blame the Basterd. Once a conflict has blame, then the attacks mount in order to prove erroneous ways.
Feel the snowball rolling, i do, straight for my face. I hate frostbite...
Raging...Boiling...tempers flare...who's right? Me!Me!Me! is anyone listening...at this?..who is actually listening, hearing the opposing argument? Neither! We are focused on Winning! Yes? The tactic that repeatedly resurfaces in most to all confrontations...the infamous list. Past fights, hurts, instances...that can prove the point. You know that list, we all carry it...some are longer then others...nonetheless, it is free reading.
Interjection. If resolution becomes the goal, rather then victor, how would the stability of that interpersonal bond develop? Maybe my next relationship won't have a winner...because happiness will be the goal. For both parties, not just on my side.
This fighting business, does it, can it? remind us of something? Not to be become too Freudian, but it can be said there are parallels with current relationships and past relationships...aka...the way our parents acted or treated us.
Its not my theory, its somebody else's theory, its an interesting one too...food for thought.
"A strong dance alliance creates a calm rhythmic pulse that effortlessly flows to the beat of Life" -- D.K.
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