Unconscious Radar

The 1st QUESTION:  when was your first influential relationship...and with whom did this powerful emotional connection occur with?

Naturally it is our relationship with our parents...one that is abundant with love and anxiety...this connection is the foundation in which we build all of our subsequent relationships

Anxiety: an abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear, an apprehensive uneasiness of mind usually over an impending or anticipated ill...often marked by physiological signs of doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one's capacity to cope with it.

Separation Anxiety: a form of anxiety experienced usually by a young child and caused by separation from a significant nurturant figure and typically a parent or from familiar surrounding.
 

    The lonesome FEAR of solitude feeds our anxious drive to seek companionship, at times inadvertently (or unconsciously) driving us into patterns that may be less then ideal.

Chronic pattern of dysfunctional relationships revolves around an individual who consistently chooses partners that share similar negative traits, in essence creating a destructive atmosphere.  Due to repetitive dynamics the outcome is as predicted, destructive.

WHY?

Is it FEAR of intimacy?  Good chance of that.  Fear of the opposite gender?  If you fear them, how can you relate intimately to them..?.?.This makes it easier to defend ourselves from true intimacy by creating walls around our "hearts"...an effective way to create distance.  Option two is selecting partners incapable of intimacy...Ultimately sabotaging a relationship (instinct=unconscious).

The deeper you allow someone to connect with you, the more vulnerable we become to being hurt...this may be why we create a barrier of defenses.

"Repetitive compulsion" is Freud's explanation of how people attempt to rectify the troubled relationship someone may have experienced with their parent.  A relationship so sensitive, that it is infested with feelings of disappointment, abandonment, rejection, frustration, neglect (and in extreme cases...abuse).  This atmosphere harbors emotions of anger and depression, and a child will ultimately blame themselves for any perceived imperfections.  The child will then attempt to build a personality conducive to the parent's appeals...all in order to will what all children NEED...unconditional love.

The true gravity of this situation actually exists within the parents limited ability (situational or psychological) to provide the necessary attention a child deserves to flourish.  Remember, no one is perfect, even our parents.  By recreating this relationship we might be giving ourselves one more opportunity to rectify a past wrong...well that is what this guy Freud thought, he thought up a lot of interesting scenarios.  If we can get that inner strength to forgive...that might be the binding element that breaks that connection to our past hurts, no longer making this an unconscious campaign to remedy agonizing past anguish.

Is it possible to fear that we will never find our true love?  How about a fear of nonreciprocating love.

An interesting aside,

i attended a Halloween party last night, costume optional.  I am invited out to another party tonight, costume strongly recommended (never to be DEMANDED!  I refuse to be forced to do something...free will is a must for all).  What is interesting to me, are the selections that people make...why do they choose to wear what they do?  What does that say about them?  What are they expressing?