Blitzkrieg Hollywood This

A true gentleman allows the lady to go first...
So...I will create (and Embellish) an answer...
Your answer...

"Dearest Gladiator,

All is well in spite of all the unexpected excitement that we all call life.  Things became...how shall I say this...exaggerated beyond belief...let me share and explain.  What I am about to share with you, is not only in confidence between us...but also, the atheist's honest truth!  Back, during Halloween, I was trick or treating with a bunch of my girlfriends (we were dressed up like the Spice Girls on Crack), of course I was toothless and disheveled Geri Wannabe Beckham.  We spent the entire evening robbing greasy gas stops and obscure Walmart locations.  I collected so much crap that I needed a crane to lift my goodie bags home.  As dawn reared its unforgiving head, we hit up a Denny's for breakfast (I ate e11even Jumbo pancakes!).  Twenty minutes later, I'm passed out on my lawn...Candy bars decorating it as if it was raining Kit Kat's and Snicker Bars.  If my dentist was still alive, rest her soul...she would be rolling in her coffin!  Four hours later, Tamba is swiping at my right hand, alerting me to my rotten neighbor's teenage son Owen attempting to scoundrel away with my hard earn treats! Without thought...I reluctantly (and hastily) raise to my feet and aggressively grab the boy as I viciously start to relentlessly strangle him.  He releases his loot, as his face loses it's rosy hue...his skin fades to white, before it settles on smurf-like blue.  Hopefully the mallee didn't draw too much attention to me.  I gather my belongings and head for friendlier territory...my home, with my cat in tow.  I dump the candy the instant my door shuts, and I walk into my commode.  That reflection that stares back has black mascara running down the cheeks and a steady flow of red streaming from the right corner lip. I start to gag, there's something in my mouth...I spit it out.  It's half a tooth...'must be Owen's'.  I splash a healthy dose of cold water onto my face until a familiar consciousness settles forth.  Great, I feel calm and relaxed, Again!!! I walk back to my atrium, where my candy sits...quietly awaiting my return.  I kneel beside my mounted score and start to sift through.  Milky Way, Reece's, Hershey, M&M's, Twix...all the good stuff!  Oh Wait!  What the Hell is this...I have this large solid gold ring.  It's heavy as fuck, sturdy as can be...where and when did I snatch this up?  Perhaps at gunpoint at The Hess station from that pretentious yuppy driving the 2014 Ferrari?  Who cares, it's mine now.  I can't help but stare...as I drift into thought....
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
I snap out of it, the shiny ring rests cemented on my right pointer.  The BANGING persists...someone is at the door and in urgent need to gain my attention.  I hear, in a Magnified tone
"Come on Out, this is the police!"
Fuckity fuck fuck....god damn fucken fuck!
If they re going to take me out, I am going out with my own bang.  I ram, full force, straight through my door barreling over the six swat team members that were strategically positioned on my porch.  A seventh comes charging at me.  I do a summersault....he narrowly misses me.  Determined to tackle me, he swings around and continues his surge.  I land in a ready for combat position, instantaneously throwing a roundhouse kick...Chuck Norris Style...to his head...shattering his helmet and face.  Teeth splatter my eyesight, bone is heard crying uncle.  Next thing I know there's this helicopter overhead...with it's spotlight on me...
"Die Motherfucker!"
I jump up, grab the helicopter and throw it into Owen's house.  Fire...explosion...Panic ensues.  My neighbors are running in every which direction...
Four Swat Team battalions arrive and kneel within forty yards of me...they start deploying missiles...grenades...taco sandwiches...
Nothing is working, nothing at all...
Until one if them sends their Godzilla...
Shits about to get real
OHM
OHM
OHM
I blast Godzilla into a billion pieces
(I still have Godzilla Guts in my Hair)
By now, I am getting Bored and Tired.
But Wait...a limousine pulls up...and Brittney Fucken Spears pops out...?
WTF
They hand her mic...and she starts signing the theme song to Spice World...
OMG, STFU!
My ears start bleeding...my legs start to quiver, collapsing beneath my weight.  This can't be happening...my eyes start tearing and my tongue jumps out of my mouth, digs a hole and buries itself....
Forty three days later, I wake up on a bed on the set of General Hospital.  Mario Lopez is taking my blood pressure and assuring me that everything is ok....shoves a needle of Thorazine into my arm.
Oh well, it could be worse, I could be Lindsey Lohan at Betty Ford!
I've had a crazy few months lately, but I'm sorting through it.  Drama Free to the best of my own ability.
Otherwise, all is well...how the hell are you?

Always and forever
Gypsified beyond Belief"


Wow, and I thought I had some odd luck...being that I was almost blamed for the whole Iranian Nuke Program.  Misunderstanding can create a life if their own.  Either way, It's all Good if you're good!

Your truest fan!

K